


It's a love/hate kind of thing.

by heyghouls



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Developing Relationship, Hate, Hurt, Intern, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, bet, ryan bergara - Freeform, shane madej - Freeform, superior - Freeform, this took a twist, towards the end, weird dreams man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-04-27 13:56:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14426826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyghouls/pseuds/heyghouls
Summary: Shane is an executive producer at BuzzFeed and Ryan is his intern.It's not love at first sight for the boys, but will they finally see eye to eye when they realize they have more in common than they thought?Shane is an introvert who finds it hard to let people in, and Ryan is a cute loving boy who just wants to figure the guy out.





	1. Introduction

Ryan Steven Bergara was a born and raised  Californian with a dream of becoming a big video producer. Working in the film industry was always something that fascinated him. And now was his chance. He just got hired as an intern at this company called Buzzfeed and boy, was he was hyped.

He had to meet with the senior boss to finish up some paperwork to complete his inscription, but he still had some time to kill so he decided to walk around outside the studios for a bit, getting familiar with the environment, not quite paying attention to where he was going as he turned a corner.

“ Oh my god I am so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going! “

“Jesus, Christ, are you kidding me? “

_This can't be happening. First day and you're already spilling coffee on random possibly future potential co-workers?_

“Well, that's gonna leave a stain. “

Ryan lifted up his eyes from the shirt and analyzed his victim. A tall man, much taller than Ryan, lean body wearing a flannel shirt with a jean jacket that matched his sunglasses, brown messy hair.

In another scenario, Ryan would have found him kind of cute.

“ I'm so sorry! Please let me help you with that.” 

Ryan raised a hand to help, but the man stopped him and backed away.

“ You've done enough, thank you. Watch it next time, geek.”

The tall man walked away and Ryan already felt like crying.

“Hey, is this your first day? Sorry I couldn't help but overhear that.”

Ryan jumped and turned around to face the mysterious voice, nodding nervously.

“ Don't worry about what just happened, could have been worse.”

“I don't know, he looked pretty pissed.”

“Eh, that's just Shane. That's his 24/7 mood. He'll get over it. “

_Shane huh?_

“ I'm Zack. What's your name? “

“ Ryan, Ryan Bergara. “

“ Well Ryan, welcome to Buzzfeed. Why don't I walk you to the bosses office before something else happens huh?” 

Ryan laughed nervously and both walked together to the office and Zack took the opportunity to show Ryan around the office, until they reached their destination.

“ Well, that's your stop and that's my cue. Good luck.” 

Ryan watched him leave and took a deep breath as he knocked on the door. He waited a few seconds before he heard the ok to come in and slowly walked into the office.

“ Mr. Bergara. I was just waiting for you. Happy to have you joined the team. “

“ Happy to be here sir.” 

“ Please have a seat.” 

Ryan sat down in front of his desk and wow that was a lot of paperwork.

“ If you can just give me a second... ah, there it is. So this is your form, basically states that you will be formed here as an intern for the next 6 months and it explains all the confidently and the exclusivity. But I'm sure we send you all that by Email already, did we not?” 

Ryan nodded as confirmation.

“ Great, to be honest with you I'm kind of in a hurry, so I don't have time to go over all the details with you, but your partner will be able to answer all your questions. Since you already read the contract all you have to do is sign here, and you're good to go.” 

Ryan took the pen that was offered to him and quickly signed before raising his head up.

“ I'm sorry, partner?” 

“ Oh, yes. We're gonna partner you with one of our senior producers so you can watch and learn from them before spreading your wings. How's that sound?” 

“ Wow, that sounds great, thank you.” 

_knock knock_

“ Ah. Speaking of the devil, that must be him. Shane, come in. “ 

_Wait, Shane? Please tell me there's more than one Shane._

Ryan heard the footsteps getting closer but refused to turn around and face him.

“ My, what happened to your shirt?”

“ Coffee accident with a lunatic.” 

Ryan winced as he saw Shane sitting down on the chair beside him from the corner of his eyes. Not even paying attention to him.

“ Ah, well sorry to hear that. Anyways, Shane, meet your new intern, Ryan Bergara. Ryan, meet your mentor, Shane Madej.” 

They both turned to each other and Ryan had to face his fear, that was him in the flesh. While Shane looked at him with wide-eyes, a mix of surprise and annoyance.

“ You! “ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it as it's always appreciated (:.  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx  
> P.s: I made a [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/heyghoulligans) for my fics so you can access them there as well and you can come to say hi if you have any request for future fics I should write or if you just want to chat (:


	2. The bet

Chapter 2: The bet

“ You two know each other? “

Shane turned his attention away from Ryan.

“ I guess you could say that.” 

“ Great! Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be. Come on, up you go.” 

Shane got up, followed closely by Ryan who had no idea where they were going. He wanted to ask but he found Shane quite intimidating and he wasn't sure how the guy was going to react after this morning. Should he say something?

“Hey, um, I'm really sorry again for the coffee thing. I'll buy you another one.”

Shane kept walking and just talked over his shoulder.

“Another shirt or another coffee”

“Look, man, either, I'm really sorry and I'm not trying to make enemies on my first day. If we are gonna be working together, we should at least get along.”

Shane stopped in his track and turned around to Ryan, bringing him against a wall.

“Okay, first of all, we are not gonna be working together, you're gonna work for me. Second of all, I'm not here to make friends, I'm just here to do my job so I don't care what you do.” 

Ryan went from scared to annoyed. 

_What was this guy deal?_

“Dude, what's your problem? What did I do?”

“Honestly, little guy, it's what you didn't do. Now please go make yourself useful and go prepare the studio for the shoot. First one on the left when you exit the building.” 

Ryan growled and left, making sure to push Shane slightly as he walked past him.

_This is gonna suck_

 

“Well, he’s cute. “

Shane jumped and moved to see his friend Curly, leaning against a desk, witnessing the scene.

“Who? The new guy?” 

“No, my neighbor. Yes, the new guy.” 

Shane shrugged, unbothered

“Didn't notice.”

Curly looked over his glasses with a smirk.

“Lies. I heard good things about him too.”

“I don’t know, that’s what you said about the others but they never last.”

Shane was about to leave, but Curly wasn't finished with the conversation.

“Wanna bet?”

Shane raised his brow, interested in the idea.

“Go on.”

“Let’s see how long the newbie can last. I say he will make the whole 6 months of his internship. If I win, you do all my paperwork and editing for a month, and if you win, I do all your paperwork and editing for a month. You know, boring stuff. “

Shane thought about it for a second and agreed.

“Deal. “

_This is going to be easy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it as it's always appreciated (:.  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx  
> P.s: I made a [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/heyghoulligans) for my fics so you can access them there as well and you can come to say hi if you have any request for future fics I should write or if you just want to chat (:


	3. Hustle

Shane walked into the studio, surprised to see that Ryan had actually installed everything and took initiative. A quality that had been lacking in the latest interns. 

Ryan was now sitting on the table, back turned to him and talking to... Zack? 

Shane couldn't hear but it seemed to be funny and that alone was enough to annoy him.

* * *

 

“ but seriously, what's his deal”

“I don't know man. The classic story of tragic love I guess. Rumor has it that he got his heartbroken at one point and he's been a miserable trust issued emotionless human since. I guess being mean to everyone is his way of making sure no one gets close again.” 

Ryan frowned. he actually felt bad for the guy. He had been there himself, but that never turned him into the Grinch.

“ I don't know. He's really not that bad after a while though, and when you get to know him. Or when you get him drunk. That's a whole new Shane. It's either that or he's a robot, which would explain a lot.”

Ryan laughed, soon joined by Zack until they got interrupted by the man himself.

_Speaking of the devil_

_“_ Less chatting, more working.”

Ryan smile faded as he straightens himself up and got off the table.

“Shane, relax bud. Ryan did everything he had to do and he did it well.”

Shane started adjusting the camera, never taking his eyes off it to respond.

“I didn't ask for your input, Zack. Now sit down and let's roll.”

Ryan stayed in the back, just observing Shane. As much as he was a nuisance to be around, he had to give it to him, he was good at what he did.

Shane had asked him to do a couple of tasks here and there or operate the sound, and Ryan thought he didn't do too bad for his first day.

“ Shane this isn’t working. I’m sorry but there’s no way that’s content. I’m not doing this unless you find a better idea.” 

“Zack, are you serious? Right now? “

“I’m dead serious. “

Shane turned off the camera and sighed.

“ Ok, so then what do we do? We have all these soaps and products laying around and we can’t exactly throw them.”

“We could play a guessing game.”

Ryan blurred out of nowhere, resulting in everyone staring at him.

“What did you say?”

Ryan took a step forward and eyed everyone in front of him before continuing, building up the courage.

“I mean that you could do some type of smelling guessing game or pricing game. I mean the scent evolved like crazy over the years, it could be fun to see what’s better, after all, the before or the after. Blindfold the person and make them decide which one their prefer.”

Shane stood there, speechless and a little bit angered. 

“Yeah, no. I won’t be taking advice from interns.”

“Shane, shut up. The kid is actually up to something. Plus, you’re ruining out of time. Congrats Ryan, thinking on your feet. We would use someone like you around here.”

A girl that Ryan hasn’t actually met yet, intervened as well. 

“Oh my god, I actually always wanted to do this. I love bath&body work and I would actually be curious about the results.”

Shane looked between the two of them, and then let his eyes move to the rest of the crew that seemed to agree, before giving in himself.

“ Fine, let’s do it from the top. “

Ryan couldn’t believe it. What was happening? He actually spoke up and stood up for himself and Shane actually allowed it. Kind of. Zack winked at Ryan as he sat back down and Ryan just smiled, taking his place in the back of the room once again, observing. 

Once the shoot was over, everyone went their own way and a couple of people, including Ryan, stayed behind to gather up the gears and put everything back in its place. 

“ Hey, Bergara.”

Ryan looked up and saw Shane walk up to him.

_Oh oh. This can’t be good._

“Please don’t fire me.”

Shane stared at him perplexed.

“What? No. I wanted to say nice work today.”

Ryan wasn't sure how to react.

“ Is that your way of complimenting me? Cause I think the word you’re looking for is  thank you. And you are welcome by the way.”

Shane tried to hide a smile but he failed so he turned around before Ryan could tease him about it.

“Don’t push it, Ryan. See you tomorrow.”

Shane said as raised a hand as he walked away, leaving a smiling and confident Ryan behind. 

To clean up. Alone.

Ryan didn't even mind the cleanup. This was progress. He started off the day hating Shane, and Shane hating him, and now Shane was actually impressed by him and Ryan found himself wanting to know more about his mysterious mentor.

_This might not be so bad after all_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it as it's always appreciated (:.  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx  
> P.s: I made a [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/heyghoulligans) for my fics so you can access them there as well and you can come to say hi if you have any request for future fics I should write or if you just want to chat (:


	4. The secret side of Shane Madej

Chapter 4: The secret side of Shane Madej

 

It had been a couple of weeks since Ryan started working at Buzzfeed and Ryan would like to think things were going well. He was actually learning a lot from Shane, despite the fact that they fought at least once a day.  It was never in actual anger though, it was just a thing they did. That's when Ryan realized that aside from the arguing, Zach was right. Shane wasn't all that bad when you got to know him better. Sure, the guy was moody and it was impossible to read the guy, but he was still a pretty decent guy. When he wanted to be, that is.

“ Hey, what are you doing here so late? “

Ryan looked up from his computer screen following the voice until his eyes landed on Zack. Ryan had decided to stay late to help Shane as he noticed the guy had fallen a little behind lately. He smiled politely as a greeting to Zach but it didn't quite reach his eyes as he was clearly exhausted. He took his headphones off and look around the office to find he was the only one left.

“It's almost 9. Shouldn't you be home by now?”

Ryan took a sip of his now cold coffee, and he glanced at the time on his computer. He didn't realize how long he had been sitting there.

“I guess I should but Shane is making me stay late to finish up some stuff.”

_Smooth lie_

Zach took a step back and was genuinely surprised that Shane would ask Ryan to stay that late.

“ Shane is making you stay? That doesn't sound like him.”

_I can’t exactly tell him I’m staying up to work on Shane’s videos because is he lacking, can I? The guy still has a reputation to maintain_

“Well, no. Not exactly. Ryan suddenly avoided Zach gaze, almost embarrassed. He did ask if I could stay an extra hour to wrap up the video, but I'm just not ready to leave until I'm satisfied with it.”

_Not entirely a lie._

Shane did ask Ryan to finish up a video before he left, but when Ryan got done with it, he decided to start working on Shane’s project instead.

“Wow, you really want that job, do you? well, good luck and don't stay up too late.”

Ryan mumbled a quiet well it's too late for that under his breath and got back to work. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

 

Shane often stayed after hours to get stuff ready for early shoots the next day, so Zach wasn’t surprised to see Shane walk in, except today was Friday, so there was no reason for Shane to be in the office at this hour.

“ Hey, what are you doing here?”

Shane looked up from his phone as he ran into Zach, not noticing Ryan in the back.

“ Oh, what’s up? Just came to grab some stuff. I forgot my computer and figured I could get a head start for next week”

Zach whined as he playfully punched Shane in the shoulder.

“ Oh, c’mon. Not you too. It’s Friday man! Get a hobby or something! Go out! Have some fun! It’s Friday night!”

Shane completely missed the rest of his sentence and looked at him confused.

“ Me too? “

Zach simply turned around, his back facing Ryan and pointed over his shoulder at Ryan’s desk, Ryan who was completely unaware of the conversation going on around him.

“ What is he still doing here? “

Zach shrugged and walked passed Shane.

“ I have a feeling it has something to do with you, your guess is as good as mine though. Night Shane.”

Shane nodded and watched as Zach left, thinking about what he just said.

_Why would it have something with me? Ryan should have left hours ago. It couldn’t possibly still be working on that one small task._

He made his entrance a couple seconds later, after waiting to make sure Zach had really left. Ryan was so focused on his work he didn’t notice Shane staring until he felt a hand on his shoulder, making him jump.

“ Jesus Christ man. Don’t sneak up on people like that”

He took off his headphones and placed them around his neck, a hand over his heart from the jump scare.

“ Don’t be such a scary cat. Now please explain to me what the hell are you still doing here? “

Ryan swallowed hard, suddenly nervous as he hadn’t exactly told Shane about the help he had decided to give him.

“ I could ask you the same”

“ I asked first, don’t play with me Bergara.”

“ I was just you know... doing some work.”

Shane raised an eye as his eyes landed on the screen.

“ I can see that. But why? “

Ryan sighed, giving up and sat more forward in his chair.

“ Well. You asked if I could stay, and I did. I was about to leave when I remembered you talking about that list of videos you still had to edit and work on, so I thought I would...”

Ryan stopped as he saw Shane shifting uncomfortably and he braced himself for angry Shane.

“ so you thought you would...?”

“ You know. Help you out a bit. I guess I got a little bit carried away and didn’t realize how late it was. I’m sorry, please don’t be mad. I just wanted to help, and you can check up my work if you’re not satisfied. I don’t know... I just haven’t exactly had the occasion to show you my full potential and I thought it was a good way to do it”

Shane closed his eyes as he took a deep breath and took his hands to his face.

_Oh oh_

“ Ryan...”

Shane groaned in his hands and Ryan let his head down, suddenly feeling very depressed. He unplugged his headphone and started gathering up his stuff.

“ Grab your stuff. Let’s go. “

Ryan’s eyes snapped to Shane, opening his mouth to say something, but closing it again. Shane had a straight face, but his eyes looked soft, he didn’t actually seem mad.

“ You heard me”

“ What? Go where? Where are we going?”

Shane finally broke and let out a small smile bringing an arm around Ryan’s shoulder.

“ We are going out for drinks. I think we both deserve it”

Shane didn’t think Ryan even heard what he said about his work, and even though he hadn't been there for long, the guy had something special and he trusted him. He was gonna let himself have his guard down for one night, as a thank you. It really lifted a weight off his shoulder. Shane was known in the office, but no one ever actually did something like that for him.

“ Wait, you’re not mad? “

Shane simply shook his head as a no as they started walking.

“ Also, you’re asking me for drinks? What’s going on here? Where are the cameras? What’s the catch?”

Shane pushed him away slightly, a smile playing on his lips but his eyes were dead serious.

“ Don’t make a big deal out of this Bergara or I’m taking back my offer.”

Ryan simply smiled back to Shane and kept his mouth shut. That’s something he noticed about Shane. The guy seems to smile more around him than anyone else. Don’t get him wrong, Shane was known to snap at everyone and being in a bad mood 24/7, but something seemed different when Ryan was there. But maybe that was just in his head.

 

* * *

 They made their way to the bar and Ryan got quickly what Zach meant by “ Drinking Shane is a new Shane” 

The guy had a totally different personality. After his second beer, Shane was already starting to loosen up and Ryan had never seen Shane laugh so much in the time they knew each other. He was laughing, he was joking, he was dancing, he was smiling, he was even singing.

“Geez man, I think I like drunk Shane better than sober Shane.”

Shane raised an eyebrow, smiling.

“Oh yeah?”

Ryan nodded affirmatively and took another sip of his beer.

“Why’s that?”

Ryan took a moment to think about it, being careful to choose his words wisely as Shane was still his boss. 

“ I don’t know. He’s just more open and friendly. You should be like that at work too. No need to be all serious and pushy, people would like you more.”

_Okay so maybe I could have left that last part out_

Shane scoffed and looked down at his beer, twirling the glass around his fingers, he seems in deep thoughts.

” Yeah well. I’m not there to have people like me. I’m there to do my job. I find that when people start to mix working environment and friendships, it ends badly.”

Ryan frowned and was slightly confused as he was out with Shane right now. What does he see him as then? 

“ What do you mean?”

Shane looked back at Ryan, drunk fun Shane was gone. He had a sad look in his eyes, hurt, pain, anger. 

”  I think I like sober Ryan better. He doesn’t ask questions “ 

 

Ryan faced turned serious. He remembered something Zach said on his first day about Shane being hurt by someone. A bad relationship that scarred Shane. A co-worker that turned into more maybe? Ryan wanted to ask but the look in Shane's eyes suggested him otherwise. He couldn't bring himself to ask. Shane looked so broken and vulnerable. He cleared his throat as he looked away to change the subject as he could feel the awkwardness in the air.

 “So, um, how often do you take your interns out like that?”

Shane let out a small force laugh.

“Never. You're the first Bergara. You should feel special. Enjoy it cause it most likely won't happen again”

Ryan had so many questions right now. He saw a whole new side of Shane but Ryan was a good guy and he didn't want to take advantage of drunk Shane. If he was going to learn about him, they will be both sober and Shane will do it on his own terms as he probably wouldn't even remember telling Ryan all that stuff.

 “Dance with me.”

Ryan stared blankly at Shane, who was back to his feisty self all of the sudden. He finished his fifth beer of the night and grabbed Ryan to the dancefloor, ignoring Ryan's complaints and questions.

_How does one go from depressed and nostalgic to happy and ready to party in 30 seconds?! What is wrong with this man?! Shane Madej, I will figure you out one day or another._

They danced. Oh, boy, did they dance. Ryan had never been much of a dancer and he had zero coordination skills whatsoever, but it seemed like the alcohol brought  _suave inner Ryan_ out _._  It started it off slow at first but escalated quickly when Shane grabbed Ryan by the hips and pulled him close. Ryan didn't object. This was the first time Ryan actually paid attention to Shane,  _that way._ It also the first time that Ryan realizes that Shane is gay. Ryan Or bi. Ryan was himself gay, but it never struck him that Shane might be too. Heck, he didn't even think Shane knew. They never talked about it. Or anything personal for that matter. Ryan started thinking of the all the signs he has missed but found himself pretty distracted as he felt Shane's pelvis rock against his jeans. Suddenly, Shane was all he could see or feel. Everyone else in the room simply disappeared. He found himself lost in Shane's intoxicating cologne, in his dark beautiful eyes, in his lips.

_What's happening_

Ryan felt the air get caught in his throat at Shane moved closer to talk in his ear, the hot air sending shivers down his spine.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Ryan swallowed hard, nodding as he didn't trust his voice to speak and he suddenly felt very aware of Shane's hands on his hips.

“ I think you're hot.”

Ryan placed his hand on Shane's chest to push him away slightly to take a good look at his face to see if Shane was serious or not. He was.

“Especially when you get mad. Why do you think I like pushing your buttons so much? There's something different about you Ryan. Different from the others. I just can't put my fingers on it.”

Ryan didn't know if it was the alcohol or Shane's breath on his neck but he suddenly felt hot. and this wasn't good. They just stared at each other. Deeply. Until Ryan broke the contact and put an end to Shane's madness.

“ I think we need to get you home now buddy.” 

Shane whined and held onto Ryan's arm. 

“ But I'm having so much fun.”

“ I know, that's the problem. Let's go.”

“ See, this is why I prefer Sober Ryan. He's way more willing.” 

Ryan ignored him and let him through the crowd, holding his hand but letting go as soon as they got outside. He called an Uber and shared with Shane as he couldn't trust him to make it up his apartment alone as he could barely walk right now. Ryan managed to rest Shane against the brick wall outside of the bar as they waited for the Uber.

“Come on, Shane. How can you be that drunk? Help me a bit here and move those giant legs of yours.”

“Ryan?”

Ryan froze. Oh no. He knew that voice and this wasn't what it looked. He turned around and he honestly thought the night couldn't get any worse.

“Hey guys.”

As he feared, Zach, curly and a group of friends were standing right there. A small smirk playing on their face as they looked simultaneously shook and confused by what was happening. Indeed, Ryan had his arm around Shane's waist and Shane was leaning against him.

“What are you guys doing here?”

Ryan smiled nervously and his voice broke there at the end.

Curly raised an eyebrow suspiciously and they all exchanged looks. Shane was too out of it to even acknowledge the situation.

“We are just out for a drink. What are you doing here? With Shane?”

Ryan looked around praying for the Uber to arrive so he could escape this embarrassing situation.

“We, um, we just decided to grab a drink as well. Been a long week and all. We were just leaving now actually”

” I know I said don’t stay out too late, but I also didn’t mean go get drinks with your mentor!” 

Zach exclaimed and it’s exactly what Ryan didn’t want to hear. He sighed of relieve as the car pulled out in front of them.

 _Finally_!

“Ah, sorry. That's us. It was nice seeing you guys though. Bye!”

He knew he made the entire thing sound way more suspicious, but it’s not like he could start to explain the situation. He wouldn’t even now where to start. Ryan opened the door and rushed Shane in the car, Shane who still hadn't said anything the entire exchange. 

His friends just kind of stood there, still trying to process why he and Shane were out together and almost passed out drunk. Ryan turned around as he heard them whisper  _that was weird_ to each other.

“Hey, a quick question while I have you guys here. Do you know if I should call anyone to take care of Shane? A secret boyfriend or something? Does he live alone?”

They all started laughing and I mean, Ryan knew Shane was a private guy and made it clear he wasn't in a relationship, but Ryan also wanted to confirm his hypotheses about Shane.

“Oh sweetie, if anything it would be a girlfriend. Shane's not gay.”

_What?_

“Yeah, but no, he lives alone. Sorry.”

Ryan looked like he seen a ghost. He didn't even know where to start. So either Shane was gay but never told anybody, or he's just not gay? Or is he just experimenting? But then why would he-

_Ugh_

Ryan screamed internally as he waved one final goodbye to his friends, who he knows will have a lot of questions from on Monday morning, but he will deal with them later. That was the least of his worries.

He got into the car and searched in Shane's phone for his address and gave directions to the driver before resting his head on the cold window, which was actually soothing as he found himself with a headache. 

“ You know, you're not as bad as I thought you would be.” 

_Oh, so now you are making conversation. Couldn't have done that earlier when half of the office caught us_

Zach was wrong. Drunk Shane is no fun. Drunk Shane is emotional and clingy. 

“ Thanks, giant man, I could say the same about you.” 

 “Aww, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.”

 Shane actually fell asleep in the car and they arrived at Shane's about 20 minutes later. They got to Shane's apartment and Ryan helped him up the stairs and reached down into Shane's pocket to grab the keys, being careful not to grab _anything else_. He opened the door and stumble around a bit, guiding Shane to his bedroom after a little game of  _nope that's the wrong room._  He pushed him gently on the bed and Shane groaned as he hit his head on the headboard.

_That's what you get for being so tall_

Ryan took a couple of seconds to catch his breath and closed the light after making sure Shane was okay. He even placed a glass of water and some Tylenol for the next morning. Which he expects will be rough for Shane and Ryan hopes he won't remember a thing or Ryan might actually consider quitting.

“Night Shane.” 

He closed the door behind him, and walked out of the building, catching the Uber to his place. He happily crashed down on his bed, exhausted, thinking about everything that happened tonight. At least he doesn’t have to face him until Monday.

_What a night._

 Ryan dozed off to sleep with the image of Shane grinding on him and Ryan knew it was the begin of a nightmare.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOD?! BAD?! 
> 
> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I'm back! I know I was away for some time but I have some ideas for the next chapters but I want to know if you guys are still interested in this story :) Let me know what you think in the comments below! 
> 
> As always,  
> Sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx


	5. The confrontation

* * *

Chapter 5: The confrontation

 

Ryan woke up the next day with a surprisingly light headache. The hangover wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, but then again he didn’t have that much to drink. Compared to Shane. His eyes opened as Shane crossed his mind and he wondered if the guy was okay. He rolled over and picked up his phone. He had a couple of notifications, but no texts from Shane.

_Should I text him?_

Ryan assumed Shane would have a way worse hangover than him, so he should at least be a decent human being and check up on him right? He opened his contact until he reached Shane’s name and hesitated for a bit. 

_Or maybe it’s too weird. What if he doesn’t remember anything and it raises suspicions and he asks questions about the events? Yeah. I mean I’m sure he’s fine._

He finally decides against it and went for a much needed cold shower instead. There goes the beginning of a much deserved lazy weekend.

* * *

 

Monday morning came too fast for Ryan’s liking and as soon as he stepped into the office, he received odd looks from co-workers and something told him it had something to do with the Friday activities. It hasn’t even been 5 minutes that Ryan was sitting at his desk, that Kelsey walked up to his desk to do some investigating. 

“How was your weekend?” 

Ryan eyed her for a second but was relieved as her tone actually seemed innocent. Just a nice friend asking her friend how his weekend. Casual talk. 

“ It was good, thank you for asking. How was yours, Kelsey?”

Ryan smiled genuinely at her but it soon faded as she returned the smiled in an almost devilish way. Like she knows something Ryan doesn’t. Ryan immediately regretted his previous statement. 

” Meh. It was alright. Anything fun happened? Maybe Friday?”

_yep there it goes_

“How did you...”

She squealed in place as she seemed satisfied with herself as she didn’t even have to spit out of Ryan. 

“The word spreads fast in this office.” She winked as Ryan felt like disappearing, hiding his face in his face. 

 _Is this how it’s gonna be?_   _Why is everyone making such a big deal out of it?_

“ I notice. Look, It’s not like anything happened. He just asked me out for some drinks to thank me. That’s all it was” 

Her smile only grew bigger and she sat down on the corner of his desk, ready to ask more questions. Until she got rudely interrupted. 

 “Bergara! What the hell?”

* * *

Good morning sunshine!”

Shane yawned and only nodded towards Curly as he walked in. It was too early for that much energy and his first coffee was still in the making. 

“ My my. Someone’s still out of it from Friday”

Shane frowned slightly at the vague memory. He turned around and rested on the office kitchen counter as he tries to remember that night. He only recalls being out Ryan and he highly doubts Ryan would go brag about it to Curly.

” How’d you know?” 

Curly shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

” We saw you guys as we came in. You were pretty out of it”

_Weird... I don’t remember that at all_

_“_ Really? Do you happen to know what we were doing? It’s really just a big blank for me”

Curly laughed and pat Shane on the shoulder, commenting on how he’s too old for this kind of activity before serving Shane a cup of coffee.

” You could barely walk, man. I guess you had one too many drinks and Ryan just carried you. He’s the one that took you home”

_Okay, that makes sense. That would explain the glass of water and the painkillers and the fact that I made it home in one piece_

Shane took a sip of coffee as Curly continued his trip down memory lane.

“ He asked us if he should call someone to take care of you, like a boyfriend or something.” 

Shane literally choked on his coffee as he swallowed and almost spat it out.

” What?!”

” What? It was sweet of him to ask if-“

” No, no. Not that part. A boy-boyfriend? Why would he ask that?”

” Oh! I know! It was like super odd. He was holding you close too. We kind of all know Ryan is gay, so maybe it was a hint, I don’t know. Anyways, I don’t know why he asked. He was acting all weird after that and then he just left”

Shane just stared at him, his face looking all pale. Curly walked up to him placing a hand on his forehead.

”Shane, are you ok?” 

Shane nodded absently, trying to process it all, not even bothering to finish up his coffee, he walked out of the room. He said a quick “ I gotta go” and walked in directions of Ryan’s desk. 

“ Bergara! What the hell?”

Kelsey jumped off Ryan’s desk and Ryan turned around in surprise. Shane looked simultaneously lost and angry at the same time. 

“ Kelsey, do you mind giving us a moment? I need to have a word with Ryan. “ 

Kesley simply nodded and walked around as she had learned not to mess with angry Shane or just Shane for that matter. While Ryan got up and followed Shane who led him in an empty hallway, away from everyone else.

” Ye... Yes?” 

“ Did you ask people if I was gay?”

Ryan stared at Shane a bit in shock. He expected Shane to have questions or to yell at him about the dancing or the fact that he went into his home, but the gay part actually never crossed his mind.

” What?”

Shane took a moment and regain some energy. He hasn’t even had his coffee and he would prefer to fight with Ryan after 10.

“Friday. What happened?” 

Ryan eyed him suspiciously as he wasn’t sure what Shane knew and he was afraid to say too much. 

“You don't remember, do you?”

” You’re not answering my question.”

 Ryan shrugged as he rested his side on the wall. “ Nothing happened. We just had a couple of drinks and then I took you home as you weren’t exactly yourself “

” If nothing happened, why would you ask if ..”

Ryan knew exactly what Shane was talking about, but if they were gonna talk about it, he would let Shane make the first move.

” Ask what?” Ryan tried to make himself sound as innocent as possible, curious to see if Shane would say it. It didn’t matter to Ryan, but it did confuse him a bit that it seems to be a secret because he did make some type of move on Ryan, but now he’s completely unaware of it. 

” Did anything happen to raise suspicion that I might be gay? or into you?”

Shane's eyes were serious. A type of serious Ryan never seen before. He wasn’t ready for the secret to be out and since he didn’t remember anything from that night, he needed to be sure that Ryan kept his mouth shut about whatever happened that night. Ryan simply shook his head as a no, which made Shane relax a little. 

“ Nothing. So, did anything else happen?”

Ryan wanted badly to tell him everything. But what good will come of it? Shane will just deny it and blame it on the alcohol. It would also be very inappropriate to mention how Shane grind on his intern. 

“No. Not at all.”

“Ok, very well. Let's get back to work then and never mention it ever again.” 

“ Sir, yes sir.”

* * *

 “  Alright, well, Tristan dropped out so we need another volunteer. “

Shane was filming a video about fire cupping therapy, but one of the guys had pulled out last minute and they couldn’t do the video with two people only as they had 3 different therapy tricks. They stood there, Shane, Ryan, the two other participants and the crew, in therapy place, trying to get one of the sound guys to pitch in, but as none of them could actually do it, Shane had to turn to his last and only option.

” Alright, Bergara. You’re up”

Ryan zoned out of his conversation with the camera guy and stood up, walking towards Shane as he eyed the room. 

” What? Me? I’ve never been on camera before”

Shane didn’t have time for Ryan’s camera crisis so he simply pushes him towards the table and took his place behind the camera.

” Well first time for everything. Let’s go, you’re going first so take your shirt off and lay down”

Ryan froze and looked at Shane like a deer in headlights. 

“ Ta-Take my sh-shirt off?”

” Is that a problem? Is there a mole that you’re embarrassed about or something?”

” No”

” Well great, take your shirt off then.”

Ryan swallowed nervously and slowly took off his shirt, which earned him a couple of cat-calls. 

Ryan wasn’t exactly ashamed of his body. He just didn’t like showing it off. He tries hard to go to the gym every day and be fit. He does it for himself, to look good for him, not for anyone else and he gets embarrassed to be shirtless in front of people. He’s not sure where it comes from exactly, but he likes to keep his body private and he’s not the show off kind of guy. 

On the other hand, people certainly didn’t mind seeing Ryan shirtless. He is nicely built and had a nice developed six pack and had muscles for days. 

As Ryan tossed his shirt to the ground beside him, he caught Shane’s eyes. Shane had the same look that he had that night at the bar when they were dancing. Was it lust? Hunger? Ryan still couldn’t tell but got distracted from his thoughts quickly when Shane’s eyes moved down to Ryan’s toned body and _involuntary_  licked his lips. He looked away when he saw that Ryan had caught him and for once, he didn’t feel embarrassed. He didn’t like the way the others looked at him or commented, but for some reason, when Shane did it it was different. There was something in his eyes that made him feel good about himself. He found himself wanting to see that look in Shane's eyes again.

” Alright guys that enough. Let’s get rolling”

Ryan was a wuss. Shane almost couldn’t use the footage as Ryan kept squealing the entire time and commenting on how painful it was. It was the guy’s fault for being that tense and stressed out.

” So, tell us your intake. How was it?”

Ryan sat up straight and puffed his chest a little bit to stretch his back ” The massage at the end was great. I think it’s what I liked the most” 

Shane rolled his eyes behind the camera which earned him an annoyed look from Ryan.

” Would you do it again?”

Ryan winced as he felt a soft spot on his shoulder and bent down to grab his shirt.

” Probably not. I think it’s just one of those things where you’re like “ Well I tried it. That’s enough. I always say I would try anything at least once”

_Lies_

Shane didn’t know that much about Ryan but Ryan still didn’t strike him as the out-going adventure type of guy. Still, he would be lying if he said a list didn’t go through his mind as he imagined all the _first_ Ryan would be willing to do. 

  _Focus_  

They finished up the video and when it came out the week later, the feedbacks were surprising. Shane didn’t expect all the positive come back from Ryan’s cameo. People seemed to like him a lot. Actually, people seemed to like shirtless Ryan and Shane wasn’t sure if he liked that or not. Not that he cared.

So just like that, Ryan became a regular in Shane’a production. 

“ Ryan, let’s go “

“ Remind me why I have to come again?” Ryan called from afar as he was doing a quick outfit change after a filming incident that he would rather not talk about if anyone asked.

Shane walked back in forth, bored, waiting in the other room for Ryan, who was taking forever “ I told you, it’s a part of your training. Plus, it doesn’t hurt if it brings up more views. It’s good to show new faces every once in a while” 

Shane could hear Ryan’s smile in his voice as he replied: “ So what you’re saying is that my last video left an impact huh?” Ryan finally came out and walked up to Shane, double checking he had everything.  

 “ Yeah. The people seemed to like you for some reason”

” Can’t resist the Bergara charm, huh?” 

“ Don’t let it get to your head or I might have to call somebody else”

“ You wouldn’t dream of it, big guy. You need me now” 

Shane snorted and pulled out his phone.

” Try me, short stack. You ain’t special.”

_Special. You should feel special_

The words rang in Shane’s head as he swore he had been there before. Ryan let out a wheeze as he approached Shane to take the phone out of his hand, but he just ended up holding Shane’s hand instead as Shane switched hands last minute. Ryan stopped laughing immediately and looked up at Shane, who seemed to be looking for something in Ryan’s face. Like an answer or a feeling. The feel of Ryan’s warm body against him felt familiar.

 _Did we do this before too?_  

A vague memory of him dancing with Ryan crossed his mind but Ryan pulled his hand away before he could analyze it deeper. 

“ Sorry”

Shane moved his hand as to dismiss it and pulled back on a straight face before walking toward the exit, Ryan following at a safe distance behind. 

Shane spent the rest of the day eyeing Ryan as each movement from him, or every laugh or every smile seemed to refresh his memory and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. 

_Did I tell Ryan he looked hot?_

As on cue, Ryan lifted up his head and smiled at Shane. A smile that confirmed his biggest fear. 

 _Shit._ _Drunk Shane, what did you get me into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter before the fun begins!  
> Hang in there, the fluff is coming haha I’m just still trying to cover up all the bases!
> 
> Anyways, I wanted to make up for being away for long so I decided I would post this now. I hope you enjoyed and don’t forget to leave a kudos and a comment on your way out as it’s always much appreciated xx  
> As always,  
> Sincerely, your favourite ghouligan xx


	6. Tinder profile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely short one, but I needed that to make the next chapter long!  
> and don't worry, we will be getting into Shane's backstory in the incoming chapters :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favourite ghouligan xx

Chapter 6: Tinder profile 

 

“ Aren’t you tired of being alone though?”

It was one of those days again at the office when Shane’s co-workers tried, more like forced him, to learn more about his personal life and set him up on blind dates. 

” Curly. Drop it.” Shane poured himself a cup of coffee with one hand and extended his other hand in hope to get his phone back.

Obviously, Curly ignored his request and kept scrolling through his tinder in hope to find to a good contestant. Shane couldn’t believe he let it happen. That’s what you get for leaving your phone alone on the table for 5 minutes. Your so-called friends use that time to create you a tinder profile and make your life miserable.

” Oh, she’s cute!” Curly turned the phone over in Shane’s face, who simply shrugged uninterested. Curly rolled his eyes and continued swiping left. 

” Wait. Is that Ryan?”

Shane almost dropped his cup of coffee as he heard Ryan's name and Annie pointed to the screen.

” Oh my god it totally is! I didn’t even know he was looking” 

“ Should I swipe and see if you match? Can you imagine how funny that would be?! Ryan’s reaction would be priceless!” 

The two started imagining scenarios and laughing while Shane just stood there petrified. 

” Hey guys what’s up”

As it couldn’t get any more embarrassing to Shane, the man himself walked into the room. 

” We could ask you the same thing”

Ryan sat down next to them, curiously looking over his shoulder to see the phone as Curly flashed the phone in Ryan’s face who blushed furiously.

” Oh my god” Ryan grabbed the phone out of Curly’s hand, staring at his own profile.

” Hey, it’s okay. Nothing to be ashamed of”

Shane had enough and took control of his own phone, while Ryan could feel his face getting even redder ” How is that even possible? How did you-“

” I think I might have forgotten to select a specific gender. My bad. We were trying to find someone for Shane.” 

“ Wait, I matched with Shane?”

” I don’t know yet, you want to find out?”

”No!” They both yelled simultaneously. Ryan glanced at Shane who was looking straight in front of him, refusing to look at him in the eyes. Shane remembered that night. He remembered the night he said. He remembered the things he _did_. Well, a part of him still believes it wasn’t him. It was the alcohol acting. But that was enough for him to know he needed to be more careful. 

” Geez. No need get so jumpy.“

_Well, that was a close call. Note to self, delete the app as soon you get home and never trust your friends._

 “Hey btw Ry, you’re going out with us tonight?” 

Shane let his eyes move to Ryan and noticed how Ryan's shoulder seemed to relax at how Curly changed the subject. “Actually I can’t, I have something tonight” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he felt everyone's eyes suddenly on him.

” You do?”

“Yeah“ Ryan prayed for his friends not to press because he is a terrible liar. He actually had a date tonight, but he didn't want his friends to start reading into his DM's and stalking the poor soul before Ryan even got to meet him in person.

” Like what? A date?”

_Might as well at this point_

_“_   Maybe... Yes.“

They all looked at each other, waiting. Shane straightened himself up a bit, suddenly into the conversion, actually looking a bit curious, but no hint of irritation on his face.

“ Well? Aren’t you gonna tell us about it?!”

Shane went to intervene when he exchanged a look with Ryan, but he beat him to hit and Ryan decided to test his theory. 

_Let's see how Shane will react to that_

“ Leave the poor guy alone. Ever heard of boundaries?“

“ It's not because you don't like to share things that others shouldn't“ Curly turned back to Ryan, smiling sweetly at him, excited to hear about that mysterious date. “ Now, you want to tell us about it?“

” Actually, yes.” Curly stuck his tongue out at Shane, who simply rolled his eyes and Ryan got started.

 “ We met a couple of weeks ago, and really hit it off. His name is Max, he's actually a film student, just like me. “ 

Annie squealed in excitement, making Shane cringe“  Aw, you guys will have movie nights together, geeking out about what you saw in class, watching the classics. “ 

“  That's the plan“ Ryan eyed Shane closely, the more he talked about the date, and noticed how Shane was frowning and his mind seemed to be running a mile an hour. Ryan's goal wasn't to make Shane jealous, but just test out the limit of what would happen if Ryan went on a date with someone else. To be clear about what Shane's intentions are. Maybe bring out the real Shane. 

Shane started to walk away, ignoring Curly calling him after him “ Don’t think you’re off the hook young man! I will find you a date!

”You could double date with Bergara!”

A sudden flash of Shane grinding close to him flashed through Ryan’s mind and he found it hard to believe that Shane would accept such a thing.

Shane just flicked him off over his shoulder and walked by to his desk.

* * *

 

Sitting alone at the bar, Shane found himself looking at Ryan's profile. He lied. He hadn't been able to delete it. 

Shane was already a couple drinks down and things were getting blurry. It was a thin line between sober and drunk and these thoughts were starting to mix up together. He found himself thinking about Ryan and he was glad the younger man wasn't there right now because he knew something was changing and intoxicated Shane would make a move. The problem is, he knew Sober Shane wouldn’t be able to deal with what he’s done. He didn’t know why Ryan was a big deal to him. Maybe it was because no one has ever stood up to his level before. No one has ever argued with him before. No one has ever pushed his buttons. That’s something Shane found himself wanting to pursue. See how far it would go. But what then? He was still in the closet from his co-workers, with good reason and his last relationship left him broken. He couldn’t date Ryan. He just could not. Yet, the more Shane thought about that might, the more he wanted to get to know the guy. The only thing Shane knew how to do was how to push people away, but that didn't seem to stop Ryan. 

Shane wasn't jealous that Ryan went on a date, at least sober Shane tried not to be. But alcoholic Shane, looking at Ryan’s tinder profile, found himself being frustrated, to say the least. It was an annoyance more than jealousy. Why? Shane doesn't know. He didn’t have any feelings for Ryan. Not that he knew anyway. But he was an attractive man and Ryan just had that something that drew him to him. Plus, it's not like he would actually have a chance with him. Right? It's not like they could work out. 

Shane looked down at his phone, looking down at Ryan's profile and let his fingers swipe right. He waited a couple seconds and there it was.

_It's a match_

Shane closed his eyes and took another sip of his drink. Drink to forget they say.

“ What you doing here all alone big guy?” 

Shane looked over his shoulder and turn his phone off as soon as he saw Ryan walking up behind him, tapping his back as he walked by.

“ Hey, aren’t you supposed to be out of your date?”

” Aren’t you supposed to be a home being miserable and grumpy?”

” Touché”

Ryan ordered a beer, taking a seat next to Shane “ But Nah. I figured it would be more fun to hang out with you guys”

and with the way Shane looked back at him, Ryan had a feeling it would be a fun eventful night indeed.

_Screw it. Sober Shane is no longer with us._

“  You look really nice tonight Ry “ 


	7. Back to square one

Chapter 7: Back to square one

 

Things fell back into place after the first bar incident. Ryan didn't mention it and neither did Shane and Ryan was content to leave it at that. The only problem was, it was happening again a couple of weeks later. At this point, Ryan was halfway through his internship and was really beginning to get familiarize with his co-workers. They accepted him with open arms so he wasn't so surprised when they asked him to join them for drinks. The only thing was that Ryan had a date, emphasis on had since he got stood up. So he found himself walking to the back where his friends were has he figured it would be boring to just go back to his place and cry about it all might. The only thing Ryan forgot about, was Drunk Shane.

You heard right, another Friday night out, with Drunk Shane.

That part worried Ryan. What is he supposed to do if Shane flirts with him again? Does he say something? Does he flirt back? 

He walked into the bar and searched in the crowd for familiar faces. His eyes landed on Zach and to his almost relief, Shane wasn’t there. They chatted for a bit and Ryan asked in the most, none casual way if Shane had ditched them. Sara pointed to the bar and there he was, sitting alone drinking slowly. Ryan nodded as a thank you and made his way over to Shane, patting his back and he walked by. He didn’t comment on how jumpy Shane had gotten or how he turned off his phone the second he sensed someone come up behind him.

“ Hey, aren’t you supposed to be out of your date?”

” Aren’t you supposed to be a home being miserable?”

” Touché”

Ryan ordered a beer “ Nah. I figured it would be more fun to hang out with you guys”

Shane eyed him, not believing a word he said. Then something changed in his eyes.

” You look really nice tonight Ry.”

Ryan swallowed nervously. He was going to need more than one drink if he was going to get through this.

” Th-thanks. It’s a shame I did all that for nothing.”

” Why’s that?”

” He ditched me.”

Shane stopped mid-sip, actually surprised that someone would ever stand him up. He noticed how Ryan tried to make it sound casual but there was a hint of sadness in his voice. It was time for Shane to distract him. 

“ Well we can't have that now can we?” 

Ryan shrugged as he nodded towards the bartender who handed him his drink.

“ Why don’t you show off for someone else?”

Ryan stood there, shook. He didn’t know what Shane meant by that, but at the same time, he knew exactly what he meant. 

“ The night is young. Maybe I will” 

Shane smiled softly returning his attention to the glass in his hand.

“ Why aren't you with the others? ” Ryan failed attempt at changing the subject but it seemed to do the trick.

” You said it yourself, I’m a lone wolf.” Shane joked but it wasn’t entirely a joke. He started the night off with the crew but quickly got bored as he found himself thinking of Ryan more and more. Ryan scoffed as he stood up.

” I guess I’ll leave you to do it then”

Shane was quick to pull him back. 

” No. Stay”

Shane furrowed his brow, clearly as confused and surprised as Ryan was about the sudden action. Shane never got needy.

Ryan released himself from Shane’s grip, a small smile playing on his lips. He nodded but stood up regardless. A flash of hurt came across Shane’s face as he thought he had finally done it. He scared him away. 

” Ryan, I’m... you can stay” Ryan finished his beer and placed a reassuring hand on Shane’s shoulder. 

” I’ll be back big guy. Gotta go to the bathroom”

Ryan had a plan. He knew exactly what he was doing. He traces a finger onto Shane’s back, making sure that Shane would keep his eyes on him as he left and it worked. He felt an intense glare as he walked away, so he made sure to sway his hips the right way, walking slowly, but not to slow, just enough to give a show. He walked away with a proud smile on his face, not even looking back over his shoulder. 

He took his time in the restroom. He did actually have to go, but Ryan was already feeling tipsy and he was feeling adventurous tonight. Ryan was actually pretty shy. He wasn't that confident in himself but Shane forced him to be. He was never the one to tease or have one night stands but Shane was basically asking for it. They have been bickering back and forth for the past 3 months so why not see how far things could go? Now was the time to get loose. He took pleasure in knowing Shane was waiting for him, on the edge.

Ryan walked out of the bathroom to find Shane in the exact same position he had left him. 

” You know when I said you should show off for someone else, I didn’t mean to put on a show for the entire bar. You should have seen the look on that guy’s face.”

_Win_

” Then what did you mean, Shane?”

Ryan smiled as he waited for Shane to answer. Curious to see if he would actually say it. Shane seemed to think for a moment and Ryan let the words sink it. 

” I meant to show off for me” 

Shane sounded confident and Ryan smiled grew even bigger. He had him exactly where he wanted him. 

” Well, all you had to do was ask” 

Ryan grinned and led Shane through the crowded bar. Finding a corner that’s crowded enough to block them from getting seen by their friends, but not enough that they can’t move. 

They immediately found their way to each other. Shane holding himself down on Ryan, his arms loosely around Ryan, letting him lead.

Ryan took advantage and started to move in a way that would even make the Devil blush. Shane liked it. He let Ryan have his fun, grinding against him, touching him. 

“ You’re putting on quite a show tonight Bergara. Be careful” Shane leaned on real close so he could talk in Ryan’s ear. Ryan taking it as a challenge.

” Why? Afraid you can’t handle it” 

Shane’s eyes got darker. He pushed Ryan against the nearest wall and decided to take the matter into his own hands. Teasing could be fun. But Shane liked results. This was an adult game, no time for stupid high school boys. If Ryan wanted it, Shane would give it to him. 

He pinned him against the wall, not missing the gasp escaping Ryan’s mouth. Ryan’s plan backfired real quick. A look of regret and fear clear in his eyes. Although he seemed to forget all about it once Shane placed his arms on either side of Ryan’s face and Ryan’s eyes moved down to his lips. 

God, he was so drunk.

Ryan saw Annie looking for them over Shane's shoulder, and pushed him away. Completely breaking the mood, but it wasn't worth getting caught for some stupid flirt. 

“Hey Ryan, we are heading out, you guys are good to share a cab back home?”

Ryan hesitated for a bit as he wasn’t sober himself and they were both clearly intoxicated so he wasn’t sure who was supposed to take care of who. He also didn’t want it to become one of those things where Ryan had to take care of him whenever he got drunk. Then again, they were no going back now. He took a look at Shane who looked as out of breath as he was and he spoke before he could his brain could even apprehend the situation. 

“Yeah. We are good.”

They had one last drink while they waited for the cab and Ryan knows that last drink was the mistake shot. They got into the cab and they are only halfway to Ryan’s apartment that Shane starts to get touchy, letting his hand wander up and down Ryan’s thigh, making his cock twitch. Taking his revenge for the way Ryan had touched him only an hour ago. Ryan doesn’t know how it happens but it happens. Shane leaned close to Ryan, biting his earlobe gently.

“ You know, I don’t think that guy knows what he’s missing out on. Too bad. That means more for me”

_here we go again..._

Ryan feels like he’s on fire and his mouth goes dry. He can feel Shane’s hand on his legs and it’s driving him crazy. 

He turns his head to say something but Shane is standing way to close and he closes the gap, never leaving a chance for Ryan to speak.

_You know what? Two can play that game_

Ryan kisses him back. It’s always under Shane’s terms, well not tonight, baby.

They start to make out intensely until the cab driver kicks them out.

“ You wanna come up?”

Shane nodded eagerly and followed Ryan out of the cab. Ryan laced their fingers together as he leads them upstairs and Shane tried to ignore the electricity that went through his body.

They make their way up, not giving a damn who can hear them. They look like teenagers but neither of them cares. Ryan struggles to open the door as Shane has his front pressed against Ryan’s back as he let his tongue and lips tease the back of Ryan’s neck. Ryan managed to unlock his door after the third time and Shane let his hands slide under Ryan’s shirt bringing his hips close as they stumble inside.

“ Third time is the charm”

“ Shut up, Shane”

and he did just that and he captured Ryan’s lips once again, stumbling around in his living room. Ryan moaned into the kiss, really letting himself go, too busy focusing on how good Shane taste to worry about anything else. Shane pinned Ryan against the wall, rocking his pelvis into him, making Ryan groan of pleasure into the kiss. Shane let out a growl in response and Ryan pushed back against him holding on to his neck as he deepened the kiss.

“ This seems familiar “

Ryan said as he smiled at the memory came floating back but was quickly distracted as Shane started planting kisses down his neck.

“ So something did happen that night”

“ Maybe” Ryan has to bite his lips not to make any sound and smirked as he felt Shane smile against his skin.

Shane moved back up to look at Ryan in the eyes. Lust and hunger both clear in the two men’s eyes.

“ Shall we take it for around 2 then?”

“ I think we should “

 

They barely made it to Ryan’s bedroom, as clothes were left all over the apartment, hands were moving everywhere, taking their time to explore each others body. Kissing every inch of the exposed skin as to memorize every curve and every blemish. Screams and moans could be heard throughout the walls as they both let themselves settle the sexual tension they both fought upon since the first day they met.

                             ***

“ Wow”

Ryan rolled off of on top of Shane, a bright smile of satisfaction and content playing on his lips. Exhausted, he turned to Shane who had a familiar look on his face.

“ I know. You weren’t half bad yourself”

Ryan laughed and punched Shane in the rib slightly, resting his head on his shoulder. Shane took the opportunity to bury his face in Ryan’s messy hair, wrapping his arm around him in attempt to bring him closer, not caring if his arm fell asleep during the process.

“ Shut up old man, I had to do most of the work“ 

“ and may I just say, you look pretty hot when you take control“ 

Usually, Ryan would bite back. Tell him to shut up. But this time, Ryan let himself have this moment. Neither of them realized what they had done and what would the consequences be in the morning. The only thing he knew was how he loved being loved by Shane. How he loved the way he had made him feel. Shane was a lot of things but selfish he sure as heck wasn’t. 

“ Wish I could say the same about you “ Ryan teased as he could feel the heat rushing to his face. 

Shane raised a brow, leaning down close to Ryan's ear.

“ I don't remember hearing you complain“ 

Ryan felt a shiver as he felt the hot breath of Shane on his skin. Shane moved himself down so he could let his lips wander on Ryan's neck, pinning his hands over his head.

“ Especially when I did this“ He placed a hot kiss on his neck between each word, making Ryan's head spin.

Ryan felt lost for words, his hands twitching to get away from Shane's grip. 

“ I don't know what you're talking about“  

Shane smiled against his neck as Ryan struggled to get the words out, moving on top of him for more control and squeezed his hands gently as a reminder.

“  Oh really? Cause I recall you asking for more, begging for me to - “ 

“  I was begging you to hurry up so- ooo“ Ryan cut him off and finished with a moan as Shane nibbled down on his neck. Letting his tongue roll around the lovebite, making Ryan regret his words.

_Smartass_

“  Is that why you were moaning my name?“ 

Shane teased and felt a sense of satisfaction when Ryan nodded eagerly, knowing he had just won. Ryan was already looking weak, moving his hips under Shane. Craving for more. It was so easy, Shane thought

Shane laughed, leaving one last sweet kiss on his collarbone before snuggling back to Ryan, bringing him closer.  

“ and then they say I’m the pain in the ass ” He mumbled as Ryan lay down on his chest, almost breathless.

“ You certainly was a pain in my ass about 5 minutes ago”

Shane laughed and Ryan doesn’t even remember responding. He falls asleep feeling the vibration of Shane’s chest. Safe and sound, while Shane fell asleep thinking of how he hadn't felt this happy in a long time. 

* * *

 The next morning, Ryan woke up feeling content. He doesn’t remember the last time he had such a good night sleep. He felt a nice warmth against his side and instinctively leaned into it. It's different but a good different. He moved closer as he feels drawn to the source and he feels a strong hand wrapped protectively around his waist. A weight tangled in his leg. A Scent he wasn't familiar with. He senses a rhythm under the palm of his hand. 

_Up_

_Down_

_Up_

_Down_

Like a steady rhythm of someone breathing.

_Someone._

_Someone is in my bed._

His eyes flew open as he realizes the warm figure beside him is a human.

_Of course, it’s a human you dumbass what else could it be._

He’s suddenly scared to move. He doesn’t want to wake up _the stranger_ in his bed. Not until he figures out who it is. It feels nice though. He doesn't want to pull away. So he doesn't move his hand away. He doesn't pull away. He simply, slowly, and let his eyes move to the face attached to the very attractive body if he can say so himself.

_What the actual fuck_

Before Ryan can help himself, he pushed himself off Shane’s body, waking him up in the process, and almost falling off the bed.

“Shane, wake the fuck up“

Shane groaned and turn around so he can hide his face in the pillow, trying to block any light as he can feel his hungover starting to surface.

“ I'm not playing Madej, what the heck are you doing in my bed?! “  Ryan practically yells and that seem to click something in Shane’s mind. He boosted himself up like he someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water and turned to Ryan suddenly terrified. A bunch of emotions ran through his face, but mostly confusion as he scans around the room, looking at the damage as their clothes are laying around everywhere. He looks back to Ryan who looks as worried as him. 

“ Shit.. did we...? “

“ I don't know“ 

Shane peaks under the cover to confirm and he is indeed, very naked under Ryan’s covers. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it as a mark on Ryan's chest catches his attention. Shane reached out a hand but Ryan slapped his hand away.

“  What are you doing?“ 

Shane doesn't say anything. He just keeps his eyes on Ryan's very naked body. Ryan brings the sheets up to his chest, trying to cover himself as he finds himself feeling very vulnerable at the moment. 

“ Eyes up here, Madej“ His tone is mostly annoyed, but there's a hint of nervousness. 

Shane ignores him and keeps looking. Scanning every part of his upper body like he's looking for something. He seems to finds it as Shane runs a finger over his own lips. Gaze looking down as he's shaking his head slightly in confusion. After a couple of seconds, he reached out once again. Ryan didn't pull away this time. There was something mesmerizing and almost intimidation about Shane right now. He hated that he liked it. Shane placed a finger under Ryan's chin, tilting his head so he can have access to his neck. His finger barely tracing over the red bruise on his neck.

“ You have a hickey“  Shane whispered to himself, ever so softly and quietly. His head moves back up but his eyes stay there. Almost like he has to force himself to look away. 

“Ryan, what happened last night?”

 

 


	8. Haunted past

“ Ryan, what happened last night?”

Ryan laughed sarcastically as it was pretty obvious. 

“ I think it's pretty clear what happened“

The thing is Shane only asked that to make it real for himself. Making sure he wasn't dreaming. Of course, he knew what they did. He started stating the sinful events that lead to this moment.

“  Did we go to..“ 

“ Yep. “ 

“ and then - “ 

“ yup“ 

“ and I -“ 

“ That too“ 

Shane was recalling the event one by one, remembering them clearly this time and it seems like Ryan did too as he kept interrupting him. A part of Ryan stopped Shane each time because he knew he was correct, but a part of him also did it so he didn't have to hear it again. Remembering it is one thing but saying it out loud is another. 

 “  Shane this is bad. This is really really bad. We can not tell anyone about this.“ 

Shane looked at him like he was the most obvious thing in the world.

“ Are you insane? Of course, we are not telling anyone “  He got up from the bed, Ryan doing his best not to let his eyes wander up Shane's body as he gathered up some of his clothes that were laying on Ryan's floor. While Ryan was still gripping on to the sheets like his life depended on it. As he looked down at the mess their made, a risky thought crossed Ryan's mind. 

“ but I mean.. It was fun, right? “

Shane smiled, a reassuring genuine smile, that told Ryan he wasn't the only one feeling like he was on cloud nine. Shane shook his head, laughing at Ryan's insecurities.

“ Yeah Ryan, it was fun“

Ryan let out of long breath of content and unwrapped himself from the covers. He stood up, still completely naked and made his way around the bed to where Shane was standing with a look of shock on his face. Ryan smiled, strangely confident and extended a hand for Shane to shake.

 “ Okay, so we agree? We forget about what happened last night and nothing like that happens ever again?“ 

Shane tilted his head and eyed Ryan up and down. Scanning his body as he raised a brow, still as impressed as he was the night before. His smirked as he extended his hand and met Ryan half way.

“ Agreed“ 

 

and that's how they became occasional drunk fuck buddies.

 

* * *

 

They had agreed to keep it casual after the fifth time. They realized that neither of them was able to stop themselves and they were clearly attracted to each other, so why not let it happen? The only thing they agreed on was to leave directly after. No sleepovers. Sleepovers led to lazy morning in bed, that leads to breakfast and breakfast led to too many things the guys couldn't risk.

It was Saturday night when the boys found themselves at Shane's apartment. Another late night of drinking and loving. This time it was different. They took their time with it. Usually, they would rush into things and anger for more, fear of being the last time. Trying to get as much as they can. This time though it was slower. Not afraid of the consequences or someone disappearing. This was slow loving almost passionate lovemaking. They kept eye contact and Shane felt an overwhelming emotion take over him as Ryan was tearing apart his walls with every thrust. 

It wasn't long before they laid beside each other, completely exhausted from Shane's undying appetite. They took a few moments to recuperate, Ryan trying to find the strength to move his limbs as he knew he was gonna have to leave. He also had to find the strength to talk to Shane. Something had been bothering Ryan lately. Well, since the first time he met Shane, but now more than never, naked in Shane's bed, seemed like as good as time as any.

“ Shane?”

Shane turned his head towards Ryan a silly smile playing on his lips, eyes still closed as he tried to calm himself from all the overwhelming sensation. 

“ Mh?”

“ Why don't you tell anyone about your sexual orientation? I mean they won't judge you, you know. So why keep everything a secret?”

Shane opened his eyes, a flash of surprised, followed by hurt is noticeable but it quickly disappeared as he rolled his head back, looking at the ceiling, escaping Ryan's stare.

“ You should leave”

Ryan didn't make a sound or even moved. He simply waited. Shane sighed in impatience tapping his fingers on his arm. 

“ Ryan. It's getting late”

“ Like what's the worse that can happen “

“ Ryan, please.“

“ Shane-“

“ Why does it matter?!“

“ Because I’m fucking tired of this shit, dude. You only want me when you’re drunk and you act like nothing ever happens the next day!“

They both stare at each other in silence. They never snapped at each other like that before or spoke about their  _feelings._ Shane was not ready for this.  The heat was building and they were both breathing heavily. 

“ It's not your god damn business.” Shane rolled onto his side, sitting up on the edge of the bed, his back to Ryan. Annoyed at this inquisition he had to go through in his own home. He didn't owe him anything. Ryan scoffed as he got up to gather his clothes angrily.

“ Well, you made it my business the first time you kissed me” He yelled as he threw his shirt over his head. He truly didn't understand why it was so hard to Shane. He did because he had been there himself but this didn't seem like a case of being scared of not being accepted. It was something else and Ryan needed to know what that was.

“ Now you're just talking crazy” Shane's voice was undistinctive. A bunch of emotions coming through each word. Ryan knew he touched a sensitive topic. He knew he opened a scar. 

“ Am I Shane? Am I really? You've been pushing people away and hiding things from them and I need to know why. Why don't you let anyone in your personal life come in? Why do you feel the need to pretend you hate me and pretend to be straight when, hey, you clearly aren't. I need to know” Ryan threw his hands in the air in frustration even though Shane couldn't see him.

Shane didn't flinch. He didn't talk. He didn't blink. He didn't do anything. A darkness and emptiness filled his eyes and he looked into the distance. He felt himself sobering up and the pain overwhelmed him. He heard Ryan sigh. He heard movement and the zipper of his jeans as he got his clothes on. And just as he was walking out the door, he let his darkest secret leave his soul to enter Ryan's.

 “ It was 5 years ago. “ 

Ryan stopped in his track. It took him a second to realize it was Shane talking as his voice was so different. It didn't sound like him at all. So depressed and soft. So fragile and broken. 

 “ Before I came to Buzzfeed. I met this guy. I was drunk at a bar and still in the closet. I let myself adventure it for a one night stand. A couple of weeks later, I went to work and lo and behold, there he was. He had just gotten hired. “ Shane started rambling to himself, almost as to reminisce. Ryan slowly made his way back to the bed. Shifting as he sat down at a reasonable distance.  “ I guess this is what I get for not asking questions.  “ He let out a dry laugh  “ Anyways, we started getting along really well and picked it up where we left off. The thing is, he would never let it show at work and was never into PDA. Which, I understood as he wanted to keep his professional life. I guess I should have seen it coming”

” See what?” Ryan asked carefully as he moved closer to Shane. He took a step at every word until he was sitting behind him in bed. His front resting on Shane's back who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, immobile. 

“ For 2 years Ryan. For 2 years. All the red flags. How he never let meet his family, how he would always introduce me as his co-worker. How he would always deny it at work if people asked us”

Ryan tentatively raised a hand to place it on Shane’s shoulder but the guy bolted up on his feet at the touch. 

” He was married, Ryan. To a woman!”

He started walking and moving his hand in frustration. Judging by Shane’s reaction, Ryan assumed Shane had kept this bottled up for years. So he just sat there, watching and listening. 

” I can’t believe I was so stupid. I was just a game for him. An experiment to see what he liked and didn’t like” He took a breath, eyes meeting up with Ryan for the first time. Almost coming to the realization he was still there. His big brown eyes staring deep into his own, patient and understanding. 

“ His wife eventually found out. The word spread in the office and before I knew it I was the guy that corrupted him and ruin his marriage “ His voice was no longer angry. It was soft and gentle. Sadness could be heard and his tone. His shoulders rolled back as he let his head fall down in shame. A side of Shane that Ryan had never seen and it almost scared him. He almost wanted to take it back so he never had to see Shane like that ever again. 

” And ever since then? ” Ryan asked more confidently this time as Shane seemed to be more open.

” Ever since then, I’ve never let myself get close to someone again. Being gay in an office full of homophobic people and having an unknown adventure with a married man ... I “ He stopped himself before his voice cracked and the tears started falling out of his eyes. “ I haven’t been able to date since. “

Ryan didn't know if he wanted to scream at Shane and tell him this was different, that the world was different or if he wanted to hold him until he stopped crying and was ready to trust again. He knew better though. This was Shane. So he did neither.

“ You have to understand that being friends with benefits with your boss is not the smartest choice here, Ryan”  

Shane let his eyes lay on Ryan as Ryan stood up in front of him to meet his eyes. Shane expected to see pity, but there was none. 

“ Sleeping with your intern isn’t either” Ryan snapped back in hope Shane would understand that this is a two-way street.

” Ugh, what are we doing. It’s happening all over again” Shane became annoyed again. The intensity of Ryan's eyes and the truth being out was becoming too much. Ryan grabbed his arms to keep him for walking away, forcing him to look at him. 

” Hey, no. It’s not.” _I'm not him_  was left unsaid but Shane could hear it clearly. ” This is just two people that happened to find each other attractive and decided to use that attraction in good use “ Shane’s feature softened and he forced a laugh. 

“ Yeah well, I’m supposed to be pushing you away, not trying to get you closer” 

” You don’t have to”

Ryan could see how Shane was pleading. How he was telling him he had to, with his eyes. How he didn't want to mess up his professional life again. How he didn't want to make the same mistake twice. 

As if Ryan could read Shane's mind, the statement brought another burning question in Ryan’s mind. 

” and the drinking..?” 

Shane looked down at Ryan's hand around his forearm, still holding him in place but it was much more gently this time. 

“ I guess I associated the courage of being myself under the influence. Because then there are no feelings involved and I can just blame it on the alcohol “

It made sense to Ryan at this moment. Everything Shane had done since the beginning made sense. But hearing Shane talk about how he never let anyone close, made him wonder about the most important question of all. 

 “ Why me? ”

Two words flew into the cold air and Ryan felt Shane tensed under his touch. This was the one question Shane had hoped he wouldn't ask because he did not have the answer. 

“ I don't know Ryan. I really don't. You're not like the others and it's scaring me.“ 

Ryan smiled as he brought his hand up to Shane’s gentle face. His cheek in the palm of his hand. He felt so delicate at this moment. 

 “Hey, don't be scared.” 

Ryan could swear he saw Shane lean into the touch but it was over before he could confirm. Shane pushed his hand away slowly, walking away, refusing to let Ryan see any more of him then he already had.

“Says the one who's afraid of his own shadow.”

Ryan watched as Shane escaped his grip. No one said anything after that. They both knew it was enough for one night. Except Ryan didn't want to leave Shane alone when he was a mess like he was and Shane didn’t know how to ask Ryan to stay and Ryan didn’t know how to tell Shane he wanted to stay. So neither of them said anything. It was probably for the better anyway they told themselves. Ryan finally made his way to leave, looking back over his shoulder at Shane who still refused to look at him. He sighed and closed the door on his way out. 

Shane let out a sob he didn't even know was holding back. Suddenly feeling weak, he leaned against the wall. His head in his elbow as he rested against the wall for support. He watched Ryan leave the building from his window. For the first time, Shane's heart ached to watch him leave. All this time he thought alcohol made him weak. That alcohol was the reason he could be himself. That alcohol was the reason he could have feelings again. But in reality, it was Ryan Bergara who was his weakness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it as it's always appreciated (:.  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx  
> P.s: I made a Tumblr account for my fics so you can access them there as well and you can come to say hi if you have any request for future fics I should write or if you just want to chat (:
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/heyghoulligans


	9. Jealousy looks good on you

Shane tried to cope with his feelings after that. He also tried to keep his eyes on Ryan.

Ryan was the only one who knew about his story and he intended for it to stay that way. Until he was ready for it to come out that is. Which, judging by the way his heart beats and his cheeks fluttered when Ryan is around, should be soon enough. Shane even asked Ryan to stay over that one night and that’s when things really started changing. Ryan was surprised to say at least but agreed to spend the night anyway. Shane came up with a lame logical excuse for why he should and Ryan pretended to agree. 

Ryan was the first person in a long time that Shane could trust and that mattered, for the both of them. It was this unspoken knowledge of love and respect that was too soon to tell, but they knew they both felt. 

Their life at work didn’t change though. They kept bickering during the day, and they kept loving all through the night. It was almost too good to be true. 

Until it wasn’t. 

Shane had noticed as the months went by that Ryan spoke less and less about other guys in front of Shane. Or to anyone for that matter. He also noticed that Ryan stopped going on dates, which pleased him. The only thing that didn’t stop is how close Ryan Steven Bergara was to Zach Evans and Shane was still debating whether he liked that or not. 

“ Shane! Shane! Guess what! “

Shane looked up from his desk to see the one and only person in the office he can tolerate outside of the walls, almost jogging towards him. Shane guessed he was in an extremely good mood today judging by the look of his face but Shane couldn't have that now could he?

“ What, you finally grew an inch and you finally reached the male average height? Does that mean you don’t have to use the latter to get to your bed anymore?”

Ryan’s smile dropped almost instantly and his shoulder dropped as he sighed. 

” Why do you do this? Now I’m not even excited anymore.”

Ryan started to walk away, not even bothering to tell Shane his good news anymore but he turned back around about 5 seconds later.

”Oh, and I’ll have you know that I’m 5’10 goddammit. I don’t need a latter to get in bed. You of all people should know “ 

Shane got up and pushed Ryan in the stomach lightly to warn him to watch his tone as it earned them a couple of looks from their co-workers. Ryan blushed as he looked around and Shane motioned to him to walk closer so he wouldn’t have to yell what they do behind the doors to the entire office. 

” You can’t even ride the rides at the amusement park, little guy”

Something sparked in Ryan’s eyes and he leaned in close, close enough that Shane fell back in his chair but that didn’t stop Ryan. He smirked as he leaned closer to his ear, talking so only Shane could hear.

” Well I know one thing I’m tall enough to ride” 

Shane's eyes widen. He didn’t expect Ryan to bite back at all. He cleared his throat and he failed at hiding the smirk playing on his lips. He grabbed onto Ryan’s arms, sitting him on his desk letting his fingers brush against his a few moments before letting his hand fall onto his lap. 

“ Alright smart ass, shoot. What’s so great you had to disturb me in the middle of work?”

Ryan smiled satisfied as he had gotten Shane’s full attention.

“ So you know how my internship is coming to an end?” Shane tried to ignore the drop in his stomach at the thought of not seeing Ryan’s face every day.  “ Well, I was talking to Zach and he said he was looking for someone to do this sport conspiracy theories with and he asked me to be a part of his show after my internship! ”

“Oh” was all Shane could say. 

The truth is, he had been avoiding thinking about what would happen next because chances are, Ryan wouldn’t even get hired. Although he would have made sure he did and if he did get hired, he planned on keeping working with him. He just didn’t want to think too far ahead right now but seems like other people doesn’t think the same.

“ You don’t look too happy” Ryan frown as he expected Shane to be excited as he has been a big part in Ryan getting the job and learning so much. 

” No, no. I am. Really, if anyone deserves it it’s you. “

Shane forced a smile, which was genuine as he was happy for the guy but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

” You sure? Cause your face says otherwise.” Ryan let out a nervous laugh like maybe he shouldn’t have told Shane. 

“Yeah. Of course. I’m super happy for you Ryan you worked hard for this job.”

Shane smiled and placed his hand on Ryan's thighs reassuringly and that seems to do the trick. Shane felt Ryan become his bubbly self again and looked around to make sure no one was watching even though Shane made sure to place it low enough so no one could see.

Before Ryan could reply, Mark, one of their co-worker intervened.

” Wow, Ryan you should have come around years ago! Who knew Shane had a soft spot?!”

Shane didn’t even move and kept his eyes on Ryan and replied annoyingly but firmly. 

” Back to work mister or I’m making you do overtime again.”

That’s been one of Shane’s threat whenever he’s co-worker teased him about his mood or his apparent friendship with Ryan, and so far it was efficient.

Ryan chuckled and got off Shane’s desk. Not having anything to add more to the conversation, he made his move to leave. 

“ Hey, wait before you go” He eyed Mark closely to make sure he wasn’t listening “ You want to go celebrate tonight perhaps? At my place?” 

_Way to make it sound casual, Madej_

” Mhh sorry. I can’t. Zach wants me to come over so we can go over the details of the show.” Shane did his best to hide his disappointment. Ryan did really sound apologetic and regretful so he had no reason to be. It’s not like he was making some type of excuse. Ryan saw through Shane charades though. 

 “ But I could swing back after if it’s not too late?”

Shane didn’t like the thought of Ryan hanging out with Zach. Alone. A feeling made his way in his stomach, a feeling he didn’t like and never really felt before. He couldn’t be jealous, could he? 

” Yeah, yeah that’s fine. After is fine”

Ryan left Shane to his work after that but Shane couldn’t focus. All he could think about was Ryan spending the night at another guys place which was stupid because they weren’t dating or anything. Yet the thought of Ryan potentially getting closer to someone else was enough to make his blood boiled. 

Ryan never came that night. Shane went home after work and tried to keep his mind occupied with food and TV. Which did work, but once he found himself laying in bed staring at the clock that read 11: 15, his mind went back to Ryan. A couple minutes later, he received a text from him. 

 

 

 

> _Hey, sorry. It’s too late now so I think I’ll just crash down. We didn’t see the time and got carried away. See you tomorrow! Sleep well!_

Sleeping well would imply getting any sleep at all. Which wasn’t the case as Shane stayed awake and thought about how he had ended up in that situation.

 

“ Hey! Sorry I couldn’t come over last night. I really wanted to” 

Shane didn’t even need to look up to see who the voice belonged to. Especially when he saw a cup of coffee being handed to him. Not a lot of people in the office would do that. He tried to look unbothered to cover the fact that he was slightly upset with Ryan. He failed. 

“ Oh, it’s fine. It’s not like I expected you to come over “

_Dammit. That is not what it sounded like in my head_

” What?” Ryan was with reason, taken aback by Shane’s behavior and Shane was being too casual about his tone.

” I mean that you don’t owe me anything”

_Nope. Didn’t sound like that either. What’s wrong with you!?_

“ Shane, what’s going on?” Ryan tilted his head trying to reach Shane’s eyes who was still avoiding his because he knew his face would betray him. 

” Nothing. Don’t you have somewhere to be anyway? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your big shot with Zach?”

Ryan turned from annoyed to amused and it was a shame Shane couldn’t see his face at the moment.

” Shane, are you jealous?” Shane finally look up at the playful tone Ryan was using and his eyes snapped back in horror.

” Me? Jealous? Of Zach? Never in a million years buddy” The more he talked the more be betrayed himself.

” You totally are”

” No - ” 

” Yes, and that’s why you don’t like me hanging out with him”

Ryan came to the conclusion and couldn’t stop the smile on his face. That's when Shane had enough. He got up from his chair and led Ryan to an empty meeting room at the end of the hall and closed the door behind him. Ryan sat down on the table and Shane stayed with his back against the door. Ryan waited patiently until he was ready to talk.  

” Alright listen. I’m not... good at this. “ He gestured between the two of them. “ I’m not sure what this is or what it means and... I realized that you’re not going to be here forever “ He took a step forward, feeling Ryan’s eyes on him. “  I just... I know I'm not the easiest guy to be around. I do come with issues but...” He took a pause and swallowed hard. He was never good with feelings and it ended badly last time. The thing is there was something different with Ryan and his heart took over his brain. He didn't mean to let himself fall into this mess, it kind of just happened. 

” but I do enjoy working with you. and doing other stuff with you.  I don’t want to risk losing you before we... you know”

Ryan tried to keep a straight face and repeated after Shane. He knew where Shane was going with this but he was curious to see if he would actually say it. 

Ryan kind of hinted at Shane that he was tired of having to pretend like nothing happened and he hoped Shane had gotten the message that he would be interested in taking it further. The only thing holding him back was Shane's fears.

” Before we ...?”

Shane was a mess. He was a wreck. Ryan had him wrapped up around his fingers and he knew it.  He was pushing his limit. 

 ” Before I figure things out. Because I want to work on myself. You did something to me and I don’t want to have to share you, Ryan. When you left, I realized there's so much more we could do. We could be. You know me when I set my mind to something, I'll do everything in my power to have it. And now I want...” 

Shane didn't realize how close he had gotten as he was now standing between Ryan's legs, hovering over him. A dark look in his eyes that Ryan had learned to love. Ryan leaned into Shane instinctively. His stare was so intense Ryan felt his head spinning. 

“What do you want, Shane?“ 

Ryan's eyes flicked to his lips. He knew what Shane wanted. He wanted it to for a while now, but he didn't want to push Shane. Seeing how Shane was crumbling in front of him at that moment, how vulnerable he let himself be. There was something powerful and beautiful about it to Ryan.

“ I want you. “

A silence in the room and all could be heard was the sound of their lips crashing together. Shane brought his hands to rest on Ryan's hips and Ryan's hands move to his neck, so naturally, deepening the kiss. They pulled away breathless and Ryan brushed their lips together.

“ What I’m getting at here is that you want us to be exclusive and you don’t want me to work with Zach?”

When Shane didn't say anything, Ryan took his silence as a yes.

” Because you know he’s just a friend? Who gave me this amazing opportunity”

_but I wanted to be the one to give it to you_

“ Is that why you turned down the job offer in New-York?”

Ryan pulled away suddenly. He hadn't told anyone about the job offer. A couple days ago Ryan had received a letter for a job in the film industry in New-York. Shane had waited to see if Ryan would bring it up but he hadn't.

” What? How do you know about that?”

” You left your papers on your desk and gossip spreads face in this office “ Shane brushed off a strand of hair off Ryan's face and Ryan almost melted in his touch.

” and so I see.”  Now it was Shane's turn to wait for Ryan to explain himself.  ” Yeah,  I turned it down. I was going to say yes actually but then Zach offered me the show and..” He paused trying to figure out how to phrase the fact that he wanted to stay without making it sound like he’s clinging onto Shane as he was a big part of him staying. “ I like where I am right now. I have plenty of good opportunities here as well. Things are slowly falling into places for me”   

Shane swallowed nervously, eyes full of hope.

“ and the people ...?”

Ryan smiled softly and nodded. He brought Shane closer to him again and rested their foreheads together. Shane let himself hold onto Ryan as he was afraid he would wake up and all of it would disappear.

” And the people” 

Shane had to look down as Ryan stare was getting too intense for him to handle.They didn't need to talk about their feelings. They didn't need to, they knew what that meant. Shane wasn't sure what was going to happen. All he knew is that he was trying. He was a weak man for Ryan Bergara and Ryan didn't mind waiting for Shane. They knew they will come together when the time is right but they could still lean on each other. 

Sadly, the sweet moment was over before they could think anything of it.  

” Hey, Shane?” 

Shane pressed a soft kiss on Ryan's forehead and nuzzled his way into his hair. It seems like the years of starving himself from affection was catching up to him. 

Ryan was more than happy to oblige.

” Yeah, Ry?”

Ryan waited a couple second, letting Shane get comfortable in his embrace before looking up at him.

“ You look cute when you’re jealous”

” Over time, Bergara!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it as it's always appreciated (:.  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx  
> P.s: I made a [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/heyghoulligans) for my fics so you can access them there as well and you can come to say hi if you have any request for future fics I should write or if you just want to chat (:


	10. The truth surface

 Shane and Ryan became exclusive without the exclusivity. They didn’t put labels on it, but they didn’t sleep with anyone else or told anyone about it. Exclusive without being exclusive.

Shane was still slowly learning to trust again and Ryan had been incredibly patient and understanding about the situation which made it so much easier for Shane to fall. It was impossible not to let himself go when Ryan didn't mind at all the exclusivity. It was clear for him things were moving in another direction and he was curious to see where it goes. So he let Shane do his thing.

While Shane still hasn’t told Ryan about his feelings, Ryan thought Shane was simply being overprotective and was being this “ trust issued” man. He thought how he acted with Zach was him being insecure but it was the opposite. Shane was protective because he had feelings, not because he was damaged. But he didn't tell him that. Shane didn’t see a problem with letting Ryan think that for a while longer since he found that Ryan liked him being in control and he found some benefits in their sex life, so hey, why not? 

 “ Congrats on your 6 months Ryan!”

It was finally Ryan's 6 months party. His internship was over and he officially had a job. The boys agreed to go separately and meet at the party but when Shane saw how good Ryan looked in his suit, Shane felt possessive and he decided that maybe he should stick by his side. They became glued to the hips that night. Shane sticking by Ryan's side, admiring and Ryan didn't mind one bit as Shane looked equally as good. 

Shane opened his mouth to say something but closed it as soon as Curly started talking, elbowing Ryan in the rib slightly. He smiled proudly as he saw Ryan’s eyes sparkled with excitement. It was a big night for him. People around the office always complained that Shane should smile more and well, tonight, no one was complaining. He hadn't been able to keep his smile off his face. Ryan was officially staying and he honestly couldn't ask for more. Things were going great, and on top of that, Ryan looked irresistible tonight and Shane couldn't wait until they got back to his apartment so he could tear it off.

“ Thanks !”

Shane and Ryan exchanged a glance for the million time of the night. Ryan had barely spoken or looked at anyone else all night, completely mesmerized by Shane. Whenever someone came up to him, his eyes always seemed to fall back to Shane. Like he was the only one in the room. There was something about Shane tonight, the way he was smiling, laughing, letting his fingers make their way under Ryan's shirt from the back and the way he let his lips brush the back of his neck when no one was looking. He just couldn't look away and something in Shane's eyes confirmed that he wanted to leave soon as well. Ryan wasn't sure how much more of this teasing he could take.

“And Shane. I believe you owe me.”

Shane’s eyes left Ryan’s for the first time and looked back at Curly, who was still staying there, in total confusion.

“ Huh?”

” A bet is a bet, pretty boy” Curly said as he took a sip of his drink and presented his hand to Shane, palm first as to pay up. 

“ What bet? “ Ryan turned to Shane curiously, still a smile on his lips but a bit more shaky this time. 

Shane went blank. 

 

> _“Wanna bet?”_
> 
> _Shane raised his brow, interested in the idea._
> 
> _“Go on.”_
> 
> _“Let’s see how long the newbie can last. I say he will make the whole 6 months of his internship. If I win, you do all my paperwork and editing for a month, and if you win, I do all your paperwork and editing for a month. You know, boring stuff. “_
> 
> _Shane thought about it for a second and agreed._
> 
> _“Deal. “_
> 
>  

“Nothing,” Shane said a little too quickly and he could have gotten away with it if Ryan didn’t know him well and if Curly kept his mouth shut. 

“Shane. What bet?” Amusement was gone from Ryan’s face and was replaced by worry as he sensed something was wrong with the way he turned him down. 

“Oh, he didn’t tell you? “  Shane couldn’t bring himself to say it so Curly took the lead. Shane just stood there, unable to stop it from happening.  Doing the one thing he thought he would never do again, which is not looking at Ryan.

“ Shane and I made a bet when you first got hired to see how long you were gonna last. Shane didn’t think you would last a month! To be fair, he thinks that of most interns but seems like he had a feeling about you since he was willing to put money on it.”

“ It’s that true?”  

Ryan turned to Shane, hurt clear in his eyes.

” It sure is. But don’t worry Ryan. You proved him wrong. I’m sure Shane regrets it now”

 _More than you think_  

“Did you think so little of me? Is that why you were so against me doing the project with Zach? You don’t actually think I have it in me.”

Ryan’s tone started with anger and sadness but ended in disbelief. 

“ No! That's not true!“ 

Ryan took off before Shane could even finish. He threw his drink away somewhere, not really caring and stormed off, Shane following closely on his trail.

“ Ryan! Wait, let me explain. This is just a big misunderstanding“

Something inside Ryan snapped when he said that and he turned around, Shane bumping into him eyes wide from the sudden change.

“ Misunderstanding? Us. Together. Was it a part of the bet too? Make sure I stay distracted? “

Ryan pointed at Shane at every word for emphasis and Shane had never seen Ryan this mad before, it was kind of scary. 

“ Or maybe you knew they would fire me if they found out so you would win? Misunderstanding! You placed money on me before even getting to know me! ” 

“ Ry-“

“ I thought you changed Madej. “

Shane's brain stopped. He did change. He was nowhere the man he was 6 months ago and he knew it.

“ You don't mean that. I swear I had forgotten about it otherwise I-“

“ Otherwise what? You would have placed more money on me?“

“ Ryan it’s not like that! It was before ...!”

“ I actually don’t care. I don’t want to hear it “ 

Ryan stormed out of the room, never leaving a chance for Shane to explain. 

“ It was before I fell in love with you..”

He whispered as he watched Ryan walk out the door with a piece of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are 3 chapters left after this one:) Just a head ups!


	11. Regrets

Shane didn't see Ryan at work the week after. Every day he would look around or ask people if they've seen him or talked to him but with no luck. And since Ryan wasn’t answering his calls, he had to turn to the only person who knew Ryan talked to but also the one he was trying to avoid. 

Zach.

” Hey Zachy-boy, my man ”

Zach looked up from his lunch and saw Shane standing in front of him. Waving awkwardly waiting for Zach to have any kind of reaction. Zach's eyes looked around left and right in confusion like it was some kind of prank or hidden cameras, before settling back on Shane.  He had never heard those words come out of his mouth before and it was very odd. 

“ Hey, Shane. My... dude” Zach said hesitantly. 

“ You mind if I sit?” Shane casually said while pointing to the empty chair in front of him. Zach slowly nodded and moved his stuff to make a place for Shane. He knew for a fact Shane had something to ask him since Shane never ate with him before. Alone anyway. 

Zach sensed they weren’t making much progress as Shane stayed silent so he decided to initiate it. The awkward air was almost unbearable. ” So... what’s up?” 

Shane looked up almost surprised that Zach was talking to him. 

“ What?“

“Do you need something?“

“Why would you assume I want something?“ Shane replied innocently.

Zach gave him a knowing look and Shane gave in.

“Okay, yes. Fine. I wanted to ask you something. I was just wondering if you had any news of Ryan? You know, if he’s okay and when he will be coming back?”

Confusion washed over Zach’s face and Shane assumed it was because he didn’t know either. 

” I'll take that as a no, do you know what he is up to?”

Zach swallowed his sip and placed his drink down on the table, still looking at him like he was stupid. Clearly, Shane was missing something. 

” Didn’t you hear?”

Shane frowned and shook his head in a no. “ Heard what?”

” Ryan turned down the job” 

” What?” Shane shook his head in disbelief because clearly, he heard wrong. 

” Yeah. He called me saying he won't be making the show after all. He turned down the job. He left for New-York this morning”

Shane let out an iconic laugh as they had this conversation before. Ryan was staying. He was staying with him. ” What? No. We had talked about this. Ryan wouldn’t just...”

Zach winced as he was so sure Shane would have been the first to know and he didn't want to be the one to break out the news. 

” Sorry mate,” He said while offering an apologetic smile.

Shane furrowed his brow and seemed deep in thoughts for a moment. Trying to recall why Ryan would leave without telling him. Well, he knew why he would but still. Not even a text or a voicemail? Did he screw up that bad? No. He couldn’t let him leave. Not without explaining himself.

Shane looked at the clock and judging by how Zach said he left this morning and it was only 10, Shane figured he had a chance. He had to try anyway. He sprinted out of the kitchen, bumping into a couple of people on his way out, not bothering to apologize and ran out of the building to his car. 

He cursed himself for living in the city with the most traffic that was keeping up from doing a big romantic gesture that could probably change the rest of his life. 

That’s right. This is happening. Shane was doing one of those cliché airport scenes.

He finally made it, not fast enough for his liking but still. Nothing cutting a few people and speeding a little bit can’t solve. 

He parked the car and ran inside. He was sweating and his mind was racing. He silently prayed for the flight to be delayed or even better, canceled. He made his way to the departures and looked around frantically. When he looked at the board, he noticed three different flights for New-York but it was impossible to know which one Ryan was in. One was already long gone which meant he didn’t have much time to find him before his flight takes off. If Ryan wasn’t already up in the air that is.

 Finding Ryan in a crowded airport was impossible and Shane knew that, but he owed it to himself to at least try or he would never forgive himself. He even went out of his way, asking people and agents if they had seen him but this was LAX. It would be like catching lightning in a bottle.

He gave up after 30 minutes of research. He figured he would let some time pass and wait at the gate in case Ryan had gotten some food and was just somewhere else completely and he was just doing this for absolutely nothing.

He made his way to the nearest bench, head down in discouragement, cursing himself for being an idiot and not doing anything before.

That’s when he caught his lighting in a bottle.

There he was. Sitting a couple of seat from him, his hat down covering his face and Shane would have missed it if it weren’t for Ryan’s sneakers and the blue jacket they both own. His head was resting back on the window and Shane guessed he was sleeping. 

“ Ryan! Ryan!” 

Ryan woke up startled and jumped back up on his seat, adjusting his hat back properly on his head. He blinked a couple times looking around for the voice until his eyes landed on Shane.

“ Shane?” He asked confused.

” Yeah. It’s me” Shane smiled, relieved and sat down next to him. Ryan just stared, unsure of what was happening.

” What are you doing here?” Ryan started to wake up and put two and two together. Realizing that Shane was really there. 

” I came for you.” Shane said in an obvious tone.” I can’t let you leave”

” Shane..” Ryan started and Shane hated the way Ryan looked at him out of pity. Like he shouldn't even have tried. Like nothing ever happened and it was useless. Like there was no hope.

” No. You are not getting out of this. Not this time. Let me talk. “ He didn’t even let a chance for Ryan to talk as he jumped into his rambling “ What you heard is not what you think. Yes, it was a bet but Ryan, it was such a stupid bet. You know me, I have a high intolerance to people. Every intern we had gotten never lasted a month and were all incompetent. So I took the bet. I didn’t think anything of it and figured the worse that could happen is that I’m wrong and boy was I wrong. And I've never been so relieved to be wrong. You are the most hardworking, brilliant, smartest, funniest person I know. The past 6 months have been the best months of my life. You turned my life around Ryan. You shook me up and showed me what l-“ he stopped himself before the word love slipped out of his mouth and incriminate himself ever more “ What life could offer. You tear my walls down, sometimes with force, when I was being an idiot, but you got through me. Ryan, I don’t want you to leave. At least I can’t let you leave without you knowing how much you mean to me”

Ryan just stared and listened. What he was hearing from Shane was old news. He knew how Shane felt. He could tell from the way he acted and even looked at him and Ryan cared about Shane too. This wasn't it and the bet was not the issue either, at least not the entire reason he chose to leave. It was simply their complicated relationships full of secrets and  _what if_ that Ryan couldn't handle much of anymore. He thought things were changing but the bet was the last drop. Not only did he get lied to but he was humiliated in front of the entire who clearly saw the scene and knew about the bet. The time he took away from Shane made him realize that maybe it was all for the best. He wasn't mad at Shane anymore. He had told Shane he was ready to be patient and that he was ready to stay but maybe opportunity in New-York was a sign. Maybe it was life telling him there's more waiting for him there than drama and games.

Ryan sighed and looked down at his watch checking how much time he had left before standing up on his feet, placing his bag over his shoulder.

”I already agreed to the internship Shane and this ... “ He said as he gestured between the two of them. “ This is too complicated for me. I want a real commitment, not some messy in between.” 

” I can give you that,” Shane said firmly, blocking Ryan’s way to keep him from walking away. 

” Can you?”

Shane opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. 

“ Look I don’t blame you, I’m just trying to be honest here. I think we all have things we need to figure out. You have the stuff to figure out.” 

” We can figure it out. Together” Shane pressed not ready to let Ryan go. His voice breaking a little more each word.

” We had fun, but we need to move on to bigger things. I have a great opportunity waiting for me and you have your life”

A tear fell down Shane’s eyes and Ryan quickly move to wipe it away. Shane flinched at his touch and at how his tone made it feel like nothing mattered. 

While Ryan crumbled at the sight of the broken man in front of him. Ryan hoped he wasn't making a mistake. He had to think of the outcome, that it would be better for the both of them in the long run. He had to otherwise, the pain in his chest would betray him.

 ” This has been great but we all knew it had to come to an end”

Shane’s eyes snapped back to Ryan’s. A bitter taste in his mouth. 

” Are we still talking about your internship?”

The silence was enough of an answer. 

” Don’t go” Shane pleaded. 

” Shane-“

Shane grabbed onto the hand Ryan rested on his cheek and brought him closer to his chest. 

” Don’t go. Please. You were right. I was jealous. I didn’t want you to do the show with Zach.” He kissed the back of his hand softly before continuing “ I was doing perfectly fine before you came along but you had to come with your perfectly white smile and ruin everything. You had to make me get attached and see things I never saw. Felt things I never felt. I couldn't stand the thought of you with someone else but I don't want to go back to that life. I don’t want you to go. Stay. Work with me. I can even go with you to this haunted investigation you told me about if you want me to. I’ll take you to Disney land to investigate if it’s really haunted. I’ll go to the Queen Mary with you. I don’t care I’ll do it all. I just need you, Ryan. Come home with me. “

Ryan stood there in silence. He felt the eyes of the many strangers staring at them and it made the whole thing even more intense. He considered his options and he had very little time to decide. He thought he made up his mind but seeing Shane begging in front of him felt like he had a little angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. His head was telling him one thing but his heart was telling him something else. 

So he trusted his gut. 

He leaned in close to Shane, hand still on his cheek and placed the most intimate, simple kiss they ever shared. Shane not missing a chance to bring Ryan close to him as soon as he felt his lips on his. He held on to him for dear life like he would drown if he let go. When they pulled away for air, Ryan pulled away completely. Leaving Shane defeated.

Ryan grabbed his suitcase and walked away.

But not before looking back at Shane and saying ; 

“ Are you coming?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk


	12. If it's meant to be, it will be.

 

” Are you coming?”

Shane’s puffy eyes snapped up to Ryan.

“ Re-really?” Shane stuttered to say.

Ryan smiled softly and confidently, a type of smile that chased all of Shane’s troubles away. “ Really”

 

They made their way out of the airport. Holding hands the entire way back to Ryan’s apartment, only letting go when necessary but Ryan would make it up to him every time by grabbing his hand again and running his fingers over his knuckles in a reassuring manner. 

When they got to Ryan’s apartment, Ryan excused himself to his bedroom leaving Shane the opportunity to call into work to let them know he wouldn’t be coming in today. He left abruptly this morning but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything until he and Ryan had fixed things up. 

“ You know, I never took you for the hopeless romantic airport scene type of guy. A call would have sufficed.”

Ryan’s voice put Shane’s out of his thoughts and he put his phone back in his pocket. A small smile playing on his lips but you could still see the sadness and tears from the previous hour. 

“ I guess there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. You would be surprised at what I can do “

Ryan laughed softly while resting against the doorframe, watching him. 

” I guess there is. I think I would like to know more about that too. ”

If Shane’s heart wasn’t beating fast enough, he’s pretty sure his heart just exploded after that.

” Plus, I like surprises. ” Ryan joked.

“ What made you change your mind?” Shane asked against his better judgment. 

Ryan laughed and took a step closer to where Shane was standing in his living room ” Are you kidding? You recited that speech and you’re asking me what made me stay?”

Shane rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and shrugged almost sadly.

” I’m sorry. I’m honestly just glad to see you stay” 

That brought Ryan back to square one. He stayed. What now? 

“ Where do we go from now?” 

Shane huffed  “ You’re asking me? I’ve pretty much poured my heart out to you Ryan and you haven’t exactly said anything back. I think now would be the time to share” 

Shane didn’t want to blame Ryan for any of this or sound so frustrated but his nerves were getting the best of him. 

Ryan sighed and walked even closer to Shane until they were almost touching. 

“ I was taken by surprise Shane, that’s all. But I mean I’m here, aren’t I? I want this Shane. Probably even more than you. I’ve been crushing on you for months “ Shane’s eyes lighted up when he heard the words. “ and I was fine settling for sex for a while, but you don’t even understand how happy I was when you started coming around. Until..”

 Shane bowed his head down refusing to hear the rest of that sentence. 

He refused to make eyes contact until Ryan made a sound that caught his attention. Ryan’s eyes were filled with emotions and Shane could tell he was holding back.

” Then you came. You came and stopped me from making probably the biggest mistake of my life. So I don't want to go back to how things were. Not after this ”

 Shane placed both his hands on each side of Ryan’s face, indirectly letting him know that was he was going to say next was important. 

“ It’s important for me that you know that I’m fully ready and committed. I want to come out. I want to be with you. I want to be seen in public with you. No more secrets, no more games. Just you and I”

 Ryan pressed his fingers under Shane’s chin forcing the eye contact when Shane’s eyes started to drift away from him. Silence filled the room with their intense glare until Ryan broke it off. Looking into Shane’s eyes before coming to a conclusion.

“ I love you”

It was a good thing Ryan was holding on to Shane or he’s pretty sure he would have passed out. He suddenly lost control of all his limbs. 

“ I love you too,” Shane said without any hesitation resulting in Ryan breaking a smile. 

Ryan moved on his tiptoe and rested their foreheads together “ We are doing this backward aren’t we?” He said with a laugh which was soon reciprocated by Shane.

Shane just now realized how silly and stupid the entire situation had been. They slept together before they even went out on a date and Shane thought it was time to make things right. 

“ So.. should we go like on a date or something?”

” Are you finally asking me out, Madej?” Ryan asked with a smirk, pulling away just enough to look at Shane.

” I am. Hopefully the first of many as well ” 

“ Oh, already hoping for a second date aren’t you?” Ryan teased and Shane winked confidently. 

Ryan couldn’t resist anymore and leaned in for a kiss. A kiss that was even better than their first kiss if possible. Shane soon moved his lips in sync with Ryan and a sound escaped Ryan’s throat that only made Shane kiss back with more enthusiasm, eager to hear it again. They eventually pulled away for air, after what felt like an eternity and Shane was surprised his cheek didn’t hurt from how much he was smiling. 

” I’ll see you tomorrow night then” 

” I’ll see you tomorrow night”

 

 

The next day at work was filled with glances every 5 minutes or so, looking away when they realize the other had caught them and blushing furiously, silly smiles at the mention of the others names, fingers wandering up and down their legs under the table during meetings. Both of them making it clear they were impatient for the day to be over for their first official date. 

 

 

” What’s in the bag?”

Shane had planned a dinner and a movie night over at his apartment. Since they already knew each other pretty well and knew what they liked, Shane didn’t feel the need to go all out at a fancy five stars restaurant. He wanted to impress Ryan in a way that represented them and prove to him once and for all that this was worth it. So he got his cooking skills out and hoped for the best. 

” I got you something” Ryan announced waving the bag in Shane’s face. 

” Aw Ry. You shouldn’t have. What’s in it?” Shane asked as Ryan handed it over excitingly.

” Well open it and find out” 

Shane opened the bag and Ryan stared at him intensely waiting for his reaction, almost bouncing up and down on the spot. Shane shook his head enjoying seeing Ryan squirmed but was curious by the sudden excitement. He unwrapped the paper and he stared confusedly at the piece of clothing in front of him before looking back at Ryan. 

“ Don’t you recognize it?” He said never taking the smile off his face. 

Shane looked at the shirt in his hand and something clicked after a few seconds. 

” Wait, is that -“

Shane burst out laughing when Ryan nodded.

” The first day we met when I ran into and accidentally spilled coffee all over you. You said I ruined your perfectly good shirt. Then I said I would buy you another one and you said: “ another shirt or another coffee” and well, I realize I never held onto that. So here, a peace offering. I would have bought you coffee as well but I think I paid that off a long time ago “ 

Shane stared at the brand new red flannel in his hand and his eyes sparkled with astonishment. 

“ Only you Bergara, only you,” He said while shaking his head with a laugh. Ryan would never fail to amaze him. 

When he looked back at Ryan, he was surprised to see him still waiting. He raised an eyebrow in question unsure what Ryan was waiting for. 

“ Well? Aren’t you going to try it on?” Ryan said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Shane laughed, a hand over his stomach and Ryan became red from embarrassment. 

” Well well, Bergara. You should know that I usually never sleep on the first date “ He was cut off by Ryan rolling his eyes but continued ” but if you wanted to see me with my shirt off all you had to do was ask” He finished by wiggling his eyebrows. 

Ryan walked up to him slowly, smiling brightly as ever and wrapping his arms around Shane’s torso. His mouth instinctively moving to Shane's neck.

” I thought we were going to have some dinner ” Shane managed to say feeling very distracted by Ryan's tongue on his skin, seeing how the night was taking a turn.

” I mean the night is still young. There’s plenty of time for that ” He said seductively, his hands moving to play with the buttons of Shane’s shirt. 

” Sure is”  Shane didn’t get to say anything more as he was cut off by Ryan’s lips on his. Not that he wasn’t complaining. The opposite, he had been craving it all day. 

He had originally planned on taking it nice and slow with Ryan, and they were going to take it easy. But if Ryan wanted to have his dessert now, who was he to deny him? 

They made their way to Shane’s bedroom and everything felt new, different. A good different. It was not their first time and yet, it felt fresh. Maybe it was because neither of them was drunk. Or maybe because their feelings were finally out in the open and everything felt more intimate. Whatever it was, Shane was holding on to that feeling and was not planning on letting it go anytime soon. 

Their relationships didn’t develop like others did. It didn’t start off with a formal introduction followed by some small talk. It didn’t start by exchanging numbers and planning a date.  It was complicated and messy but genuine. It was simply them. Maybe they wouldn’t be cuddled up on Shane’s bed watching Netflix while eating popcorn after some loving and a good dinner if things happened differently. Maybe they wouldn’t have made it this far under other circumstances. If anything sleeping together when they did only make them closer. One thing that was for certain was that Shane would do it all over again if it meant it would end up with hearing Ryan say _I love you_ while being pressed up against him in bed.

 

Only maybe he would do it a little sooner.   


	13. Have we been here before?

_Only maybe he would do it a little sooner_

_Only maybe he would do it a little sooner_

_Only maybe he would do it a little sooner_

 

Bzzzzzz

 

Bzzzzzz

 

Bzzzzzzz 

Ryan groaned as he sticks his arm out to turn off the alarm. A shiver going down his spine as the coldness of the room hit his warm body from under the blanket.

He sighed tiredly once the vibration stopped and buried his face back into his pillow for a few more minutes. 

_That was a weird ass dream_

The sensation of still floating in between consciousness hit him as his dream slowly started to fade away. He let his eyes rest for a few more seconds before blinking, letting his eyes adjust to the room as he knew he actually couldn’t snooze today. Today was a very important day for him, he was starting his internship at Buzzfeed. He had been waiting a long time for such an opportunity and he wasn’t going to miss it. 

He yawned as he rolled onto his back, stretching his arms out in front of him, staring at the ceiling of his lonely, cold boring apartment. This job might change everything.

He finally got out of bed after checking his phone and answering some texts messages he had missed during the night. He jumped into the shower after grabbing some quick breakfast and decided to dedicate the time he had left to his outfit and hairstyle. Ryan would never say it out loud but he cared about his hair and his looks more than he would like to admit. 

He made it out of the house after only 2 outfit change and now had to meet with the senior boss to finish up some paperwork to complete his inscription. Since his _make over_ took less time than he thought, he still had some time to kill so he decided to walk around outside the studios for a bit, getting familiar with the environment. Not quite paying as much attention he should have to where he was going as he turned a corner.

“ Oh my god I am so sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going! “

“Jesus Christ, are you kidding me? “

_This can't be happening. First day and you're already spilling coffee on random possibly future potential co-workers?_

“Well, that's gonna leave a stain. “ The familiar voice said causing Ryan to look up.

Ryan lifted up his eyes from the shirt and analyzed his victim. A tall man, much taller than Ryan, lean body wearing a flannel shirt with a jean jacket that matched his sunglasses, brown messy hair.

In another scenario, Ryan would have found him kind of cute.

_Wait. I swear I’ve been here before... the coffee spilling... the interview..._

“ I'm sorry, have we met before?“ Ryan asked tilting his head like a confused puppy.

Shane eyed him up and down before coming to his conclusion. “ No. I would remember a face like yours and well... clumsy as you “ He said while gesturing to his ruined shirt.

“ Right...“ Ryan said still trying to put the pieces together. He seemed too familiar. “ Oh! Right, sorry! Please let me help you with that.” Ryan said realizing the man was still standing there wiping off his chest. 

Ryan raised a hand to help, but the tall man stopped him and backed away.

 _Wait a minute. I_ _know him! That’s the guy from-_

“ You've done enough, thank you. Watch it next time, geek.”

 Ryan turned around and watched him leave. He definitely had seen that man before. God, he should have asked him his name. 

_Samuel? No._

  _Sean? No._

_Shawn? No._

_Shane?_

_That's it! That was the name of the guy in my dream! That's him, that's totally him! That's Shane!_

_“_ Oh my god. What is happening? This is like Groundhog Day! _“_  

“Hey, is this your first day? Sorry I couldn't help but overhear that.”

_What the fuck._

Ryan turned around with his eyes full of fear.  Was this some kind of prank?

“ Zach?“

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone delete my account.


	14. The future shines bright

“ Hey, I know it sounds crazy but I swear I’ve dreamt of you before” Ryan admitted as they ride in the back of the cab after a long night of drinking and dancing.

Shane laughed quietly and turned to look at Ryan. ” Don't worry about it, a lot of people do. ” He said winking.

Ryan laughed back and slapped him on the arm playfully. 

” Shut up I’m serious. Like I remember doing exactly this” Ryan explained but frowning this time. He had had a lot of _déjà vu_ experiences lately like Zach had called it. It felt good to at least have someone believe you. Ryan didn't feel so crazy about reviving stuff anymore, especially when that stuff is about Shane. 

Except he had a feeling this wasn’t supposed to happen. Like he was doing things backward, or well differently than he did in his dream. It had only been a couple of weeks since he started working as an intern and there he was,  being flirtatious with his boss for god's sake. It was Shane’s fault anyway to ask him out for drinks as a thank you for helping him around the office. He was basically asking for it.

Shane raised his eyebrow clearly intrigued. 

” Oh really? Well then, what’s gonna happen next, little psychic boy?” Shane said leaning closer to Ryan. Letting his hand run up his thigh. 

Ryan swallowed nervously and decided that it’s a go big or go home type of situation. It would happen no matter what, he believed. 

” You’re gonna kiss me”  He said looking into Shane’s eyes. 

Shane’s mouth twitched into a smile and he let his hand move up to cup Ryan’s cheek. 

He shook his head clearly not impressed by Ryan’s assumptions.

“ I could have told you that” Shane said before capturing Ryan’s lips in between his. 

A kiss that would change everything.

 

_Only maybe he would have done it sooner_

_Only maybe he would have done it sooner_

_Only maybe he would have done it sooner_

 

Things went unexpectedly well after that. A couple of months later, Shane made his coming out to his co-workers, who were all very excited and happy for him and he even brought Ryan to meet his parents. It all went somewhere around those lines :

” Hey guys. I’m gay and Ryan and I are dating. We will accept a period of question of 30 minutes after work and after that, forever hold your peace. Now back to work” and followed with Ryan facepalming as he watched Shane get up on his desk to have everyone’s attention. 

Ryan had officially and finally gotten the job at Buzzfeed and they had stared a series together. That really got Shane to open up more and he got more and more comfortable every day with calling Ryan his boyfriend in public. He also enjoyed the glint of happiness that sparked in Ryan’s eyes whenever he introduced him as such. 

Things were going really well. Like any relationships, they had their ups and downs but they had already gone through some much before they even started dating that it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle. It’s a good thing Ryan didn’t get that internship in New-York after all because god knows what could have happened.

For their first year anniversary, Shane took them on a trip to the Queen Mary. He had promised Ryan he would take them to a haunted location that Ryan had been begging to go and he was a man of his word. It originally came out as a joke, at least to Ryan so he was surprised when Shane insisted on going. He said it was symbolic of their love and Ryan didn't know if he needed to be offended or flattered. Either way, they spent the week exploring the city, celebrating their love openly joined by a couple of ghosts. It was a week they would never forget. 

They couldn’t ask for more. 

 

“ Did you ever dream of this? ” Shane asked as they were making their way to the office. Their first day back after their vacation. 

Ryan smiled softly and intertwined their fingers together. “No. I always woke up before that ” 

Shane smiled almost excitedly, like the future was full of unknown surprises neither of them could predict. Just like life was supposed to be. 

“ Well then, Shall we?” Shane said letting his thumb run over Ryan’s ring on his fourth finger. A ring that now matched his. 

” We shall”

Ryan didn’t know a lot of things. He didn’t know that that morning would change his life forever. He didn’t know why he had the dream. He didn’t know how it happened. But one thing he knew for sure was that he wouldn't change a thing. 

Together, the newlyweds took a step towards their new life. Excited to see that the future had in store for them. 

Speaking of, Ryan never told Shane but that night, he dreamt of their grandchildren.

Now, that will be one hell of a bedtime story to explain. 

 

Who said dreams couldn’t come true? 

 

“ _And that Ricky, is how I knew your grandfather and I were meant to be... it all started with a coffee [...]”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is happening.
> 
>  
> 
> So..... It was kind of one long ass premonitory dream? That ended up happening in real life after? Yeah. I did that. I can’t write simple stuff. Anyways, thank you so much for being on for the ride xx everything good thing must come to an end some day... but I’ll see you soon :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for stopping by!  
> Don't forget to leave a comment and a kudos if you enjoyed it as it's always appreciated (:.  
> As always,  
> sincerely, your favorite ghouligan xx  
> P.s: I made a [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wheezinghoulligan) for my fics so you can access them there as well and you can come to say hi if you have any request for future fics I should write or if you just want to chat (:


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